Is the cost of embracing the reality of our existence sadness and misery? These are excerpts from an insightful essay found over at Aeon magazine by Julie Reshe. I would recommend you follow the link and go read the full essay, as Reshe’s writing and conclusions she has reached seem to be quite compelling.
For instance, this passage eloquently speaks to the emotional fracture I felt back in 2018 when my wife decided to end our long term relationship and marriage. It’s like, ‘whoa, right there with you Julie’…
“The reason for my depression was a breakup. But what led to depression was not so much the reaction to our split, but the realisation that the one you believed loved you, who was closest to you and promised to be with you forever, had turned out to be someone else, a stranger indifferent to your pain. I discovered that this loving person was an illusion. The past became meaningless, and the future ceased to exist. The world itself wasn’t credible any more.”
[…]
“Although the depression following my breakup doesn’t rise to the level of existential angst, it was the strongest perspective-shifting experience of my life. It irreversibly changed and traumatised me at the core of my being, and I am now generally sadder and more withdrawn than I used to be.
Alas, what if this is the cost of losing our illusions and learning infinitely more about reality itself? We might be getting there. Some studies suggest that existential suffering and mental distress is rising worldwide, but particularly in modern Western culture. Perhaps we chase happiness precisely because it is no longer attainable?
The vicious cycle in which we find ourselves – the endless pursuit of happiness and the impossibility of its attainment – hurts us only more. Perhaps the way out is actually accepting our raised level of consciousness. In our melancholy depths, we find that superficial states of happiness are largely a way not to be alive. Mental health, positive psychology and dominant therapy modalities such as CBT all require that we remain silent and succumb to our illusions until we die.
In closing, I must address you, my dear reader. I realise that, as you were reading this essay, you must have experienced a ‘yes, but…’ reaction. (‘Yes, life is horrible, but there are so many good things too.’) This ‘but’ is an automatic response to negative, horrifying insights. Once exposed to these forces, our positive defence mechanisms kick in. I myself was caught in the drill while writing this essay (and pretty much during the rest of my life). Without this protective measure, we would all probably be dead already, having most likely succumbed to suicide for relief.
A small proposal of mine would be to explore disillusionment and refuge from positivity as a new space to experience life, hopefully before a suicidal reaction follows. Next time, before you plunge into alcohol, or make appeals to loved ones, friends, psychotherapists or to any other of the many life-affirming practices, remember that almost all constructions of meaning – from work to sport to opening our hearts to Jesus – are inherently illusory. An alternative to running away from life through illusion is to explore an illusion-free space for as long as possible, so as to become more capable of bearing the reality of a disillusioned and concrete life. If successful, you’ll free yourself from your faux-positivity and your chains.
In the end, of course, we might not be able to liberate ourselves, either from suffering or from illusions. Life is hell, and it looks as though no heaven awaits us, to top it off. This, in itself, might be a path to liberation since, after all, we have nothing to lose.”
Age old question really, ignorant and happy or informed and discontent? Which is better?
10 comments
January 23, 2020 at 6:00 am
Bob Browning
… and done that”. Caitlin Johnstone did a poem about a year ago which was put to song recently by an Irish musician… freeing ourselves from illusion is a theme. It’s tough in a materialistic society. Shit happens, we strive, we learn, we grow eventually and it gets better as we go and as we understand…
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January 23, 2020 at 6:08 am
Steve Ruis
I guess I am going to be a downer here. I think there is a fundamental mistake being made about the nature of existence. So much depends upon the circumstances of one’s birth, whether one is born into a rich country (as I was) or born into a loving family (as I was) but setting those aside, I think people’s expectations are overblown. Most westerners think that happiness is a state that one can promulgate and expand into one’s life and that sadness is something that can be avoided. On the contrary, happiness and sadness are merely punctuations in a life. They are things that happen for short periods of time.
Because we embrace happiness it fades quickly, as it should. Since we disdain sadness and do not embrace it as a normal human emotion, we lengthen the experience of it. We stand in front of a door wondering what is on the other side, fearing what is on the other side, rather than turning the knob and walking through. (Hint: the path is always through, always.)
Pursuing happiness is wrongheaded. Avoiding sadness is wrongheaded. Seeking fulfillment in one’s efforts, pursuing contentment, pursuing inner peace, even pursuing virtue are worth doing and those contribute positively to one’s life. Being excessive in pursuing pleasure and avoiding “negative” emotions do not.
When one experiences pain, the removal of the source of the pain provides a cessation of the pain, not happiness. Sadness and happiness are not opposites both are signals that you are human and are as ordinary was weather.
Please forgive my blatherings, I have thought about these things for a long, long time.
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January 23, 2020 at 8:15 am
tildeb
I really wish children were taught what ‘happiness’ actually means in enlightenment terms (I mean, seriously, do people actually believe the Founders used the term with today’s shallow understanding of a transitory emotional state? Apparently so.) Why isn’t it obvious the third term found in the Declaration as an inalienable right doesn’t mean pleasure? In enlightenment terminology, happiness means attaining a worthy life, a life that has self worth, that is worth living. Everyone has the right to pursue this.
Once this is understood, then the question becomes how? How do we go about dealing with life’s undulating periods and still pursue the attainment of a worthy life? Learning this defines wisdom, describes how to live wisely. This necessarily requires an understanding that living well also contains a full gamut of life’s suffering, which is a vital component, a benchmark indicator that adjudicates how we are doing in attaining a worthy life. One cannot be living wisely, living a worthy life if one cannot incorporate and benefit from suffering. Avoiding suffering or not knowing how to utilize it when it arrives is a guaranteed approach to avoid living a worthy life, avoid being ‘happy’. And our biology responds to this dysfunctional philosophical framing about avoiding real life, avoiding suffering, not using it as a springboard top a more worthy life, by creating a neurological chemical response that manifests in a variety of ways, not least of which is emotional depression. Something is wrong, and the mind is not correcting for it. Depression is a sign of personal dysfunction. Nobody else can ‘learn’ you out of it; it is a mandatory adventure only each of us can undertake.
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January 23, 2020 at 9:14 am
john zande
I’m sorry to hear about your marriage, Arb. I do hope you’ve come through the very worst of it.
As to the subject, there is a degree of truth to it. I’m involved in many animal rescue projects, and I have seen things that I wish I had never seen, things I can’t get out of my head. Knowing these things happen, and are happening, I often check my own happiness, thinking, how can I be happy knowing what I know?
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January 24, 2020 at 6:50 am
john zande
Arb, have you seen this? Mummy returns: Voice of 3,000-year-old Egyptian priest brought to life
https://www.bbc.com/news/world-middle-east-51223828
Seems Fletcher wants to recreate an entire song, which would be rather cool
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January 26, 2020 at 7:44 am
The Arbourist
@Steven Ruis
What an insightful comment. Thank you. I feel as if what you said may have been influence a bit by Taoism or other eastern cultural artifact? The zen vibe is pretty strong. :>
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January 26, 2020 at 7:56 am
The Arbourist
@tildeb
I wish children were taught many things during their stay in the educational system. Putting on a happy face isn’t the solution to most of the problems children, and adults, will face in life.
Teaching the process of how to deal with hardship and emotional damage would be a more effective tool. But building resilience is hard, staying on the happy everything is fine train is much easier.
I agree that we should attempt to frame our lives as close to the depressing reality that it actually is, but we have to make allowances for those who cannot fully undertake that particular burden as existential dread can cause, as mentioned, depression and emotional paralysis.
Steve mentioned the birth lottery, and I’d have to agree with him that ‘winning’ with a intact family and reasonable socioeconomic starting point contribute greatly to one’s perception of life, and more importantly, how we live it.
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January 26, 2020 at 8:04 am
The Arbourist
@JZ
Thanks JZ, things are progressing pretty much as they should be. I’m okay. :>
That is a poignant question. I think it has much to do with our innate capacity to compartmentalize our feelings and thoughts about the various elements that affect us in the world.
Part of a throwback to our earlier cultural and social structure – we lived in small groups and organized life that way for thousands of years. We’ve never had to care about what was over the next hill until fairly recently in our cultural evolution.
Quite frankly knowing more about all the shit that goes down in the world, sucks. The scale and scope of depravity that goes on every minute across the world is well.. quite unthinkable. I don’t think we come equipped to deal with the scales involved now in our more connected world, and because of that we struggle mightily to carve out a spot where we can feel good about ourselves, in the greater context of ongoing poo-storm that is everyday existence. It is the cognitive dissonance that is exacting such a steep mental toll, IMHO.
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January 26, 2020 at 8:06 am
The Arbourist
@JZ
First I’ve heard of the Mummy voice situation. A good story for Halloween, no? :)
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January 26, 2020 at 8:18 am
john zande
Hell yeah! Hadn’t thought of that.
Be interesting, though, to see what he gets. He wants to *hear* the ancient hymns sung.
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