You are currently browsing the tag archive for the ‘Non Binary’ tag.
Ah, to be a fragile bulb in a society filled to the brim with hammers. Let’s go on a adventure in the very difficult and challenging life of Julia Wright. Her experiences are… illuminating.
“Last year, I attended a conference where everyone wore name tags. I had proudly and visibly written “they/them” below my name.
When I helped a special guest presenter set up, they asked to see my tag. But while remembering my name, the presenter repeatedly referred to me as “she.”
My head started spinning and I had an overwhelming urge to run to the washroom and throw up. I wanted to interrupt them and tell them to stop misgendering me. But I had no idea what their views on non-binary people were and I worried about seeming rude.”
Having you head spin for someone correctly deduce your sex and use the correct sex based pronoun seems like it would be fairly common place occurrence. Julia must have a difficult time in the real world.
“So I sat through the presenter’s instructions as my stomach turned. Once the workshop was underway, I ran to the washroom where I reassured myself that my feelings were valid, even if the presenter didn’t misgender me on purpose.”
Just imagine the mental overhead you have to keep going to keep this sort of patina up and running. I’m getting tired just thinking about it.
“While I was assigned female at birth and grew up being referred to as a girl, the label never felt right. Throughout my childhood, I remember feeling frustration deep in my stomach when I was called a girl, but I never had the words to explain why.
Then when I was around 12, I started reading up on gender identity. I learned what the word non-binary meant and that some people use they/them pronouns.
I felt drawn to these concepts, but I didn’t look like most non-binary people I saw on TV shows and read about in novels.”
For the record folks, the concept of ‘non-binary’ is couched heavily in the idea that we all have a mystical ‘gender identity’ that is undetectable, present *before* birth, and infinitely malleable. It’s also 100 percent horsepucky.
“Sure, I didn’t like wearing makeup or painting my nails, but I also didn’t wear exclusively gender-neutral clothing or want to change my stereotypically feminine name.
But as I met others like me, I realized that always looking gender-neutral was not a prerequisite for identifying as non-binary, just as always looking feminine is not a requirement to identify as a woman. Now as a 19-year-old student living in Montreal, that realization has only grown stronger.”
Apparently all it takes to ‘identify’ as a woman is nail polish and how you dress. This is a prime example of why gender identity is a toxic feature of society. Gender identity takes sex stereotypes and somehow makes those stereotypes the qualifying features of being a man or woman. It is such an inherently regressive notion. Consider the alternative.
Everyone is born either male or female and that biological fact remains true regardless of how you happen to feel about it. However, any person can learn/craft a personality that best works for them adopting whichever mannerisms they are comfortable with. Adopting the stereotypes associated with either sex though, *doesn’t* make you that sex. For example, a man that decides that he likes wearing skirts is simply that, a man who chooses to wear typically female clothing. That is awesome if it works for him and he’s comfortable with it. What it doesn’t do is make him female in any way.
“I felt a wave of relief wash over me when I told my parents I was non-binary in the summer of 2021. They reacted positively, saying they loved me and were proud to be my parents.
At that point, I had been thinking about my pronouns daily for over two years. And I still am.
I am privileged that most people to whom I’ve disclosed my identity have been very welcoming and respectful. I believe this is largely because we as a society are talking more — whether that be in the classroom, in the media or at the dinner table — about what it means to identify as neither a man nor a woman.
I’m grateful for these discussions. But most people I meet still assume I am a woman and use she/her pronouns — oftentimes even after I’ve corrected them.”
Privileged indeed. People assume you are a woman because you are still a female regardless of what sort of gender-drivel you happen to spout.
“Mentioning my pronouns again can be scary. If they don’t respect my pronouns, does that mean they think being non-binary isn’t valid? Will they not want to be friends with me anymore? Will they treat me differently at work? These feelings double when the person is in a position of power.
At one dinner, a person shared their opinion that non-binary people were an “epidemic” that had “exploded” in recent years. I felt like I was a disease.”
Again, observe the mental overhead required to keep the pronoun facade going. Also, you cede so much power to others for your mental well being. It is a prescription for feeling vulnerable 24/7.
“These types of interactions with co-workers, professors and fellow students run through my head at night before I fall asleep. What can I do to get people to understand?
I know these ideas are new for many people, and I try to advocate for non-binary people in my daily life. In my final year of high school in Nova Scotia, I co-authored a proposal to a Girl Guides of Canada’s Nova Scotian council to create a more inclusive environment for non-binary youth.”
Yikes! Apparently once you are in the gender cult, proselytizing is a mandatory activity. You wouldn’t want to live the fragile lifestyle alone.
“Our report contained practical recommendations to help these youth feel more welcome in the organization, and I was happy when it was received positively. But I was most proud that, as I spoke with other Girl Guides about my project, I saw them become more conscious of how they could make non-binary youth feel at home in the community.
A large part of their effort centered on ensuring they were respecting others’ pronouns.”
No. Girl Guides are for girls. Let us not confuse youth with your dissonant gender magic.
Let’s also be clear that ‘respecting others’ pronouns’ means compelling others to disbelieve their eyes and lie. Not acceptable in a free society. Compelled speech never is.
“I hope that as we continue to talk about how to better support the queer community, people stop assuming anyone’s pronouns and gender, no matter how they perceive them.
I like my feminine name and wearing the occasional dress. That does not make me any less non-binary or my identity less deserving of respect.
When I’m introduced to someone new, I ask about their pronouns and will tell them mine if it feels safe to do so. That is my way of helping create more understanding and helping others by challenging their assumptions.”
Nah. The rest of society is pretty okay with following and comporting with the material reality we all share.
Be wary when individuals mention the ‘community’ because it is an entity that has no shape, no structure, no formal body. It is a hollow attempt to give their statements and assumptions more gravitas in the public sphere. The ‘x-community’ like claiming to be non-binary is a largely meaningless statement, but it makes the people who say it feel better.
This is a permissible in a free society. The problem is when the Nascently Boring get worked up because others choose not to play their word games with them. It is fine to feel – regardless of the level of comportment with reality – that you are not a woman when you are one.
The expectation of others to go along with your fun-house version of reality though is not reasonable, that is just how society works.
Imagine though spending time on developing an actual personality though that will make people want to interact with you and take pleasure in your company, as opposed to leading every human interaction with your fragility front and centre hoping strangers will play along with fabricated identity (while being devastated when they won’t play make believe with you).
Just say no to being a Nothing Burger and work on developing a real personality that includes a fair helping of resilience, it will save on the therapy bills later in life.
It’s been awhile since I’ve done a Red Pen of Justice post. The lack of the world revolving around this individual required the treatment. Enjoy.
This from a ‘article’ on the Huffpost.
Lately, I’ve been embroiled in what feels like constant conversations about pronouns. The wrong ones. The right ones. The preferred ones. Hint: That third category is defunct.
Oh I agree. Pronouns being a neutral part of speech are descriptors that relate to either males, females, or a group of people.
As a nonbinary trans person who uses they/them/theirs pronouns as my terms of address, I suppose I should be celebrating this influx of discourse on the proper usage of pronouns. Truthfully, I’m exhausted.
I’m exhausted just by you listing how you intend to gather wounds and whinge about the world not thinking that you are the most special snowflake on the block.
In the six years since I have “come out,” I’ve witnessed the concept of pronoun inclusivity shift from fundamentally Martian to hotly contested.
On the macro level, pronouns have become a cultural battlefield, an email-signature garnish, a token signifier of righteousness for organizations who want to rebrand themselves as politically savvy and inclusive. Personally, within several of my closest relationships, the fact that I require ungendered pronouns when referring to me in the third person has become the source of deep strain and disappointment.
Yes because rational members of adult society are not really big on compelled speech. Especially speech that requires us to lie about reality.
I have lived a relatively transient life, undertaking several cross-country moves, and my friends and family hail from and are currently situated within a diverse range of locales ― large cities, suburban landscapes and small rural towns ― with varying political orientations. I have always felt fortunate to have found love and support in so many different places.
But I feel duped by some of the positive reactions from my friends and loved ones when I initially came out as transmasc/nonbinary. In retrospect, that was the easy part. I was the only one changing.
For the gender magic unintiated transmasc is defined as follows: is a term used to describe transgender people who generally were assigned female at birth and identify with a masculine gender identity to a greater extent than with a feminine gender identity. Basically a substitute for anything resembling an interesting personality.
In the years since, I have come to find that I am in constant competition with my past. For a while, I flinched when I was misgendered but said nothing. Then, I began giving gentle reminders, followed by long-winded overtures of understanding. I felt guilty and embarrassed, and made sure to emphasize that effort was all that mattered to me.
Recently, though, I’ve begun pushing back: “You’ll have to do better” is my new refrain.
”It’s not that easy,” folks say. “I’ve known you for so long. I can’t just shift overnight.”
Funny that, people having to lie about what their eyes are seeing and what their brain is telling them, take awhile to become normalizied (if ever). Imagine that someone demanded that every time you were around them you would have to call the colour red “blue” because they had decided that is how they wished to perceive the world.
I am bitterly resentful of my resilient former self. Like a ghost, the memory of prior me looms overhead, my family and friends gazing upward longingly, seemingly desperate for a reprieve from my militant current iteration — the me who demands to be termed accurately.
“‘They’ is plural,” some argue. “It’s ‘incorrect’ English.” Or “What about the facts of human biology?” Or “Shouldn’t you also be concerned with my comfort?”
“The world doesn’t revolve around you,” they assert. And yet, they insist: “I mean no disrespect. I love you. I accept you. I’m trying. I need more time.“
Yeah, the people that care for you see the gender bullshite you’ve swallowed hook line and sinker and hope that maybe you can untangle yourself from the gender identity cult madness that you’re neck deep into now.
I struggle to articulate what it feels like to be misgendered. There are dozens of relevant metaphors. A million tiny paper cuts, I decide upon. Individually, they sting. En masse, they can overwhelm the nervous system. Become infected.
People accurately noting your sex and using the correct pronouns. Quelle horreur!
However, it isn’t for lack of care, I’m reassured.
I recently shared a story with a close family member of having been misgendered by a friend’s partner. My friend had defended me, and a falling-out between the couple had ensued. I was genuinely crestfallen when my relative responded with, “You realize that you ruined their relationship, right?” I bit my lip and looked away, opting to change the subject.
While the interaction was hurtful, it also underscored to me that these interactions do not simply constitute slips of the mind or squabbles regarding semantics. What is central to these moments is an interrogation of personhood, not pronouns.
Seek professional help if your personal well being and identity resolve around the application of pronouns in your presence.
Sure, my friends and family might espouse progressive political ideologies; they might even intellectually support the idea of my authenticity. But in practice, they fail to see that these are the critical moments in which my identities are ultimately affirmed or nullified.
As I think more critically about these conversations, I feel regret about the moments wherein I have avoided asking the hard questions that cut clear through the façade of language: Do you believe I have the right to demand respect regarding my trans identity? Is defending me, my personhood, worth losing a relationship? Do you care about me, beyond the ways in which my presence enhances your life?
The obligation of others to affirm your subjective gender identity is precisely zero. Basing your self esteem entirely on external validation is a recipe for social and mental disaster.
“I struggle to articulate what it feels like to be misgendered. There are dozens of relevant metaphors. A million tiny paper cuts, I decide upon. Individually, they sting. En masse, they can overwhelm the nervous system.”
The resulting friction from these interactions has had negative consequences in my relationships. I feel myself withdrawing from people I love — avoiding interactions that might lead to misgendering and shrinking in conversations that once felt safe and enjoyable.
This very much seems like a *you* problem.
Inversely, I’ve been told that spending time with me feels more cumbersome now. I sense the unease that some of my most cherished counterparts feel regarding the necessary intentionality that goes into rewiring their perceptions of me.
In addition to longstanding relationships, new connections are often marked with a similar tension regarding my pronouns. Recently, a friend recounted a conversation she had with a friend of hers in anticipation of our upcoming first meeting.
Though I don’t recall ever explicitly articulating a maximum quota on misgenderings per new acquaintance, she forewarned her friend with surprising accuracy, “You have about 2 or 3 hangouts with Kels where they will be fairly understanding of that mistake. Beyond that, they’re pretty unlikely to pursue a friendship with you.”
Yeah, dealing with people’s gender-magic is awkward. Just like being forced to take part in another culture’s religious ceremonies, it usually doesn’t end well.
Aghast, the friend responded, “Wait, you mean to tell me that if we’ve spent time together on five separate occasions, gotten along otherwise, and I misgender them, they won’t want to see me again?”
“Correct,” my friend replied.
“That’s ridiculous,” her friend countered. “If that’s true, Kels is going to live one lonely life.”
I took a moment to contemplate her prediction.
Without a doubt, the idea of dwindled community triggers the fear of loneliness within me. So much so that year after year, I’ve accepted half-hearted apologies and nebulous reassurance from folks who claim to have a deep investment in my happiness but have been unwilling to work toward improvement in understanding my identities and experience.
It wasn’t until recently that I even allowed the idea of severance to pervade my mind. I am a person who needs people. This current emotional arrangement, however — the perpetual promise of future change — no longer feels tenable.
So to you, the newly emergent grammar evangelists, nascent physiologists, and free speech activists in my life, I say this: I will no longer fight you on your truth. You do, in fact, have the right to reject my pleas for change. Your requests for unmonitored, unfettered time and space to prepare for ambiguous future growth will be honored. I, however, will be increasingly absent.
Thank god. No one has this much time to deal with pernicious narcissism of this caliber.
The idea of having to lose some of the people closest to me, the folks who have helped to shape me into the person I am, is devastating. However, I consider having access to me, my time and my company to be a gift, not a given, for anyone in my sphere. I’m clear on my inherent worth as a person, despite all of the ways in which society at large devalues me.
See above statement in red.
To be frank, this process of change requires concerted effort. To be franker, I think that trans and nonbinary people are worth the effort.
To also be frank – playing word-games in your bullshit gender religion makes pissing up a rope look like a worthwhile endeavor.
“Name Redacted (they/them) is the new Deputy Assistant Secretary of Spent Fuel and Waste Disposition in the Office of Nuclear Energy. They are a dual Master of Science in Nuclear Engineering from MIT and the Technology and Policy Center.
#amplify #genderfluid #nonbinary”
Let’s not amplify toxic gender norm in society. This male individual has decided to wear high heels. Good for him if that’s what he’s about. The choice to wear damaging uncomfortable footwear should be available to both men and women.
The stereotypical outerwear does exactly zero to change one’s sex or position in societies hierarchy. Declarations of being ‘gender-fluid’ or ‘non-binary’ are simply declarations of slavish devotion to sex stereotypes (aka gender).
Let’s end with a picture from another post –
Yes, so celebrating being the last regressive category is actually quite cringe worthy. But apparently using the correct pronouns for the dude pictured above is a ban worthy offense – the gender religious are soooooo sensitive. :)
While watching the National last night they mentioned the hook for the next segment. Some Canadian musician has decided to ‘come out’ as ‘non-binary’. In other following news, snow in Canada happens in May and June and water is fucking wet.
“Singer Demi Lovato revealed on Wednesday they identify as non-binary and are changing their pronouns, telling fans the decision came after “self-reflective work.”
Today is a day I’m so happy to share more of my life with you all — I am proud to let you know that I identify as non-binary,” Lovato announced on Twitter and in an accompanying video, adding they will “officially be changing my pronouns to they/them moving forward.”
I’m not sure what exactly the point of this piffle is? Let’s look at what the official federal Government of Canada website(???) says about being non-binary (also, why does this page exist?):
“Non-Binary(also ‘genderqueer’). Referring to a person whose gender identity does not align with a binary understanding of gender such as man or woman. It is a gender identity which may include man and woman, androgynous, fluid, multiple, no gender, or a different gender outside of the “woman—man” spectrum.”
Well that was not particularly illuminating or even helpful.
There are no alternate ways of ‘aligning’ with a binary. You are either in category X(x) or category X(y).
It is within here that we can see why this gender magic is so popular right now. Everybody can get the attention and support they need for being bold and courageous – and not changing a damn thing about themselves, other than demanding that others jump through their gender magic hoops to ‘validate’ their choices.
How utterly boring one must be to make a declarative statement that is essentially empty of meaning because if we think about it we are all ‘non-binary’ as we all encompass stereotypical traits and mannerisms from both side of the gender binary. No one acts according to 100% male or 100% female sex stereotypes. So, congratuations? You are just like the rest of us?
Just a quick primer on what gender is:
It is a system designed to subordinate women. Let’s get rid of gender, not weave more flowers into the chains that bind us.
The appropriate response when the non binary bullshit rears its head.
Also, MB, is ill. Help her out.
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