Raw Story: 13 Year Old Called a Whore.

You know what upsets me most about this kind of stuff? Its the fact that when you tell people it’s a problem they look the other way, or dismiss it as “an isolated incident”. That when you tell them culture cultivates young girls to seek approval from boys with their bodies, they think your crazy. But when you see this, what more evidence to you need? Why is it that this girl, “Ruined these boys lives”? The only way that could even be entertain that as truth is if you saw the life of a woman as lesser, as not worthy of the same consideration as the “promising life of those to boys”.

This girls life has been turned upside down by this. She’s been stripped of her autonomy, and her humanity by an act that will likely haunt her for the rest of her life. She’s been bullied and treated indecently. This young woman will never be the way she was. Ever. Every woman handles the matter of sexual assault differently, but no one is ever the same afterwards. It’s a trauma a person lives with for their entire life, and it just makes me that much angrier that people defend rapists. Not only that, there are cases were the rape victim is pushed to suicide.

This coverage of this story on CNN, and the bullying, tweets and commentary are just more things that reinforce the acts of “Rape Culture” and demonstrate it’s as clear as day and make women afraid to go outside, afraid to take certain jobs, either because of their work force, location or hours. For which women are then called irrational, emotional, over sensitive, prudes, “man-hating feminists”, and those choices are sometimes sited as “why women don’t make as much”. How are you supposed to make a living in a world hostile to women, when every thing you do everyday has to involve a high level of risk avoidance.

All the while it’s a totally rational fear based on a culture that does in fact see women as objects far more often then they see them as fully autonomous beings… But we’re the crazy ones… Not only are we not allowed to call them out on it, but we aren’t even allowed to speak up about it. Because if we do we get rape and death threats. The only way that this shit happens is if people accept that women will be raped. The only way this happens is if we see the lives, dreams and accomplishments of women as secondary to men. This only happens when we permit the media to teach women from young ages that their bodies, their beauty and their sexual appeal is where their value reside.

And the thing that gets me is that no matter how much I demonstrate this to so many people, they think I am being irrational. I face resentment from people if I speak up, if I feel this is an important topic. Every time a rape touches my life I feel fear too. I’ve even changed my evening plans when reminded of that fact when people I know and love are assaulted. Because in a culture that is okay with rape, that blames the victim, and that sees women as being of lesser value, there isn’t any places that is completely safe from rape, and very few sanctuaries where it’s almost so. And that is what scares me most. That is why I am so disquieted about it.

Sometimes, I just don’t know what to do, or what to say to people. And sometimes, I really just feel like I am spinning my wheels trying to get some people to understand. And it frustrates me that I’m demonized if I speak of it. Sometimes by friends, sometimes by family. And it’s not just rape culture, but racism, ableism, classism, sexism, homophobia, transphobia, et cetera. It’s all around, you can demonstrate it with research, data, and actually incidences of it occurring. Yet, when we point it out why is it that suddenly we are delusional (AKA Seeing things how we want to), for literally and figuratively pointing out reality? That’s the thing I can’t grasp. I hope one day psychologists figure that one out, cause it’s a doozy.

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Hmm, also something else I noticed in my previous comment, that relates to the problematic way in which women are conditioned, and socially encouraged to “dress in a certain way” for a presumably male population who’d be seeing it (Presumed and Mandatory Heterosexuality). The same type of dress which is later used to justify the “she was asking for it” justification of rape apologists. This particular case may not be a particularly strong example of it, but the tweets that then follow do relate to “Slut Shamming” and the “She asked for it” mentality. I mentioned it in a way which I was worried someone could take advantage of.

The way a person dresses should never be an excuse to rape someone, nor should her pastimes, state of mind, vices or habits. For the life of me I don’t understand how people can deny so much of the problem that you can’t even debate it, even when presented with evidence. It’s terribly frustrating that they can deny that culture itself is actually producing and cultivating both behaviors in women and young girls with regards to gender roles and expectations, and the using that as the way which they are being blamed for the crimes against them.

Ask any girl in high school who dresses, or behaves in a way that contradicted the prototypical expectations placed on women for beauty, appearance, or presentation. Shamed if you don’t conform, and called undesirable through commentary and slurs, and a target for “You were asking to be raped” should if do and you are assaulted. Even when I was in high school, I remember that being a problem. The whole dynamic is a double bind against girls and women, because you can neither peacefully opt out, or opt in without being blamed for your own mistreatment.

RAINN statistics are sufficient proof that all women are at a notably elevated risk though childhood, elementary, high school, college ages and beyond. It’s sad that it’s the case that being female means rape is a very real and considerable possibility at some point in your life before you even get to become a fully actualized, careered adult. Anyhow, I’ll stop with the wordy comments now, and I have work to do so… Take care.

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