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The world would be a much better place if the religious would instead of going to church and campaigning to reverse enlightenment ideals just played some Diablo 3. It would get all of their god bothering, change-the-world-for-the-worse urges out of their system.  It is a win win situation for everyone, as the religious get to beat down god’s enemies and meanwhile, outside the game, reasonable people get to make reasonable decisions about how society should be run without the spectre of biblical tomfoolery consistently pissing on the Enlightenment ideals that our society is based on. It would be great!

The Evilly Evil Diablo himself. Can’t get more evil and in need of righteous smiting than this guy.

As far as heroically fighting evil, on a biblical scale even, let’s look at the plot synopsis for Act 1 of the game:

“Hero is sent to discover that the mystery of the falling star is a Stranger who cannot remember who or what he is. He recalls a sword in his possession that broke into 3 pieces that fall to Sanctuary in the vicinity of the Cathedral in Tristram.

The Hero then pursues all three pieces of the sword to re-forge it only to have Deckard Cain realize the sword belongs to none other than Tyrael, the Archangel of Justice. Shortly thereafter, Cain is killed by the demoness Maghda, working under the Lesser Evil, Belial’s command. Maghda then proceeds to kidnap Tyrael and the Hero runs off to rescue him.

After working their way down Leoric’s manor and estate, the Hero confronts and defeats the Butcher and successfully rescues Tyrael from Maghda’s clutches, returning his sword, El’Durin which helps to restore Tyrael’s memory. During the scuffle, Leah learns of her mother’s whereabouts and finds out she may be residing in Caldeum. The Hero, Leah, and Tyrael all set out for Caldeum immediately.”

Wow!  Even in the beginning we have angels and demons, mysterious swords broken into three parts (a solvable trinity conundrum for once), lost memories, all sorts of heroic activities needing to be undertaken to save the world from darkness.  How awesome is that?

Better yet, your character learns new skills and becomes more proficient in combating the corrupted forces of evil following the epic story back to heaven itself where battle must be waged against the invading forces of hell.  Fighting in heaven with jebus and himself and himself by yourside = blissful religious paroxysms of pleasure.   Why ruin a Sunday by listening to some musty, dusty priest drone on about fishes and loaves when you can be driving your sword through hellspawn?  You can get all the righteousness you could ever need all in one tight, non oppressing others with your bullshit, gaming experience.

The best thing is that when you’re done grinding monsters for God, you can turn off the game go outside and appreciate the majesty of the real world and safely leave the digital versions of heaven and hell online waiting for your pious smackdown next Sunday.  Then, instead of being a deluded religiously addled bag of dicks for the week, you can focus on being a rational, empathetic, human being dedicated on building a better society for all.

Five out of six classes depicted here, the Demon Huntress, Monk, Wizard, Witch Doctor and Barbarian (missing the Crusader).