Daily Archive

   Greetings Readership, usually when I talk about magic it is context of religion and the goodly sized helping of delusion necessary to swallow that particular level of incredulity.  Not today, for truly and sincerely I wish to share with you my own magical prowess and how I revel in my superpowers.

My superpowers might seem ordinary to some, but fear not gentle reader they are most extraordinary.   I will enumerate the ones that float to my conscious mind in no particular order.

Superpower #1 “Dishsense” – I can spot a dirty dish with laser-like accuracy wherever they might be my home.  It’s like wow, that dish has been used, but with arrogant superciliousness it remains smugly out of reach or the sink or the dishwasher.  Fortunately, that plays into my second superpower, woe to be to you my dirty dish-friends..

Superpower #2 “Charged-homebasey-ness” –  The otherworldly power of sensing when objects, that have a designated space, are not in said designated space and thus must be returned to the designated spot.  I’m looking at you socks in the living room – who seem to multiply as if it was a natural habitat, or you that baking utensil that belongs downstairs but does seem intent on colonizing my valuable counter space.  I know where you (are supposed to) live and your day of reckoning is soon.

Superpower #3 “ESDP – Or Extra Sensory Dirt Perception – Yes, the unfathomable ability to see the beginnings of accumulated grime, dirt and dust and act thusly to rectify the situation.  I have this one on “high gain” all the time.  What?!?  Spots of feck on the garbage can lid – there is no safe haven in my domain.  Dog and Cat poo, I see you there waiting there obstinate, turgid – your siren call whispering gently,” One more day won’t hurt, just let it slide..”.   “Back!”, I say, “Your putrid songs shall find no purchase here!”.

Superpower #4 “WBP” – Often confused with “Weaponsgrade Bullshite Patrol” used on the internet when dealing with the religious or MRA’s but no, in this context we’re talking about the keen sense of doing the Work Before doing the Pleasure.   Doing shitty work sucks – what sucks worse is bounding your happy-fun time with the shadow of still having to do shitty work later.   Shitty work shadows, I banish thee, now and forever!

I may have more amazing abilities just waiting under the surface of what I already possess, one never knows – LETBOT is another that just sprung to mind – The uncanny ability to Leave Early To Be On Time perhaps deserves a post unto itself.

Super-Arbourist Out!