Daily Archive

     Oh you know what happens, the doorbell on Sunday morning, the feeling of dread when you open the door and find someone who is going to attempt to show you ‘the way’ and save your soul and all of the other assorted delusional religious nonsense that gets peddled before adequate coffee consumption.  I’ve had a few give and takes with people, but nothing approaching the beauty of this wonderful exchange between a god-bot and an atheist.   Many thanks to the Feminist Hiveind for hosting this version of the article.

[A version of this post originally appeared at perrystreetpalace.]

I had a conversation with a Jehovah’s Witness named Bill. He had taken the trouble to trek all the way to my door, just to save my nonexistent soul. Of course I did not allow him entry: as it was a pleasant day, we conversed with the door propped open. It was only a few short years ago that such visits would (and did) instantly result in a slammed door and simultaneous shouts of “No thanks, not interested!” (and in one case “How about you get the fuck out of here right now or I’ll call the police!”). But no more. I’ve been considering what has changed between then and now — and it is certainly not the Jehovah’s Witnesses. But we’ll get to that in a moment.

BILL: I was just admiring these steps here. They look really nice.
IRIS: Thank you. We’ve been doing a lot of renovations. What can I do for you?
BILL: Oh! I’m sorry! I’m just reaching out to the neighbors here, and I know everybody has their own thoughts about religion and that’s fine, that’s great. But what we like to do is offer folks who may not be as familiar with the bible as they’d like to be, some resources and information.
IRIS: Well I’m pretty familiar with the bible.
BILL: That’s good! Are you a Christian?
IRIS: No, I’m an atheist. Because I actually read the bible.*
BILL: [pauses.] Wait. I’m not getting the connection you’re making. How is you’re being an atheist connected to…so, you say you read the bible?
IRIS: Yes, I’ve read the bible. And even if the stories in it are true — which they aren’t — the god depicted in that book is a horrible monster. Since I’m a good person I cannot in good conscience respect, much less worship it.
BILL: So you’re saying…
IRIS: I’m saying the god of the bible is a petty, jealous, genocidal tyrant that condones and regularly engages in the wanton slaughter of innocent people. I’m saying the doctrine of vicarious atonement is evil, and that the belief in an afterlife is a dangerous delusion. I’m saying the bible is completely and utterly contemptuous of women, and because I’m a decent, moral person, I cannot recommend it as any kind of guide to morality.
BILL: Well, I think people misunderstand a lot of what the bible really says. You know, about women, for instance —
IRIS: I couldn’t agree more! People actually think the bible is not contemptuous of women — I was raised a Christian, and I used to think so myself. And then I read the bible, and saw what was actually in it.
BILL: Well I think the problem is that people misinterpret what the bible actually says, or they understand it but they don’t live according to what it says. They do bad things. In other words they’re hypocrites.
IRIS: Well I think that problem is easily explained: that humans create gods in their own image — petty, jealous, nasty, tyrannical — and not the other way around.
BILL: You think god didn’t create people, that people created gods?
IRIS: Yes, exactly. Lots of them. And the Christian god is no exception.
BILL: And you got that from reading the bible?
IRIS: Pretty much, yeah. A lot of people have become atheists after reading the bible. I’m really not that unusual.
BILL: Really. Huh.
IRIS: Oh, yes. That’s why I highly recommend reading it.
BILL: Well, it’s been good talking to you. I have to say I really enjoyed our conversation today.
IRIS: Me too! Hey, what’s your name?
BILL: It’s Bill.
IRIS: [holds out her hand, he shakes it.] I’m Iris. Very nice to meet you. Thanks for stopping by — enjoy your day!

And then I yanked him inside and I ate him.

Yes, I know we atheists are infamous for feasting on roasted babies, but I’ll let you in on a little secret: nothing tastes better to a godless heathen than a skewered, well-cooked, fiery-hot godbot. This d00d was way too bland. Where was all the fire and brimstone? The talk of Satan, the threats of hell and damnation? Where was the typical response to my feminist objections to Christian theology: that god loves women, and he has a Very Special role for them in which they will find salvation, great joy, glory, freedom and happiness, and all they have to do is be completely, 100% submissive to men?

How disappointing.

[…]

    There is more commentary on FHM, but I was cheering as I read the exchange between these two fine individuals.   I hope to be as quick on my feet when presented with an opportunity to debate the deluded. :)