Daily Archive

Ah, to be a fragile bulb in a society filled to the brim with hammers.  Let’s go on a adventure in the very difficult and challenging life of Julia Wright.  Her experiences are… illuminating.

“Last year, I attended a conference where everyone wore name tags. I had proudly and visibly written “they/them” below my name.

When I helped a special guest presenter set up, they asked to see my tag. But while remembering my name, the presenter repeatedly referred to me as “she.”

My head started spinning and I had an overwhelming urge to run to the washroom and throw up. I wanted to interrupt them and tell them to stop misgendering me. But I had no idea what their views on non-binary people were and I worried about seeming rude.”

   Having you head spin for someone correctly deduce your sex and use the correct sex based pronoun seems like it would be fairly common place occurrence.  Julia must have a difficult time in the real world.

“So I sat through the presenter’s instructions as my stomach turned. Once the workshop was underway, I ran to the washroom where I reassured myself that my feelings were valid, even if the presenter didn’t misgender me on purpose.”

  Just imagine the mental overhead you have to keep going to keep this sort of patina up and running. I’m getting tired just thinking about it.

“While I was assigned female at birth and grew up being referred to as a girl, the label never felt right. Throughout my childhood, I remember feeling frustration deep in my stomach when I was called a girl, but I never had the words to explain why.

Then when I was around 12, I started reading up on gender identity. I learned what the word non-binary meant and that some people use they/them pronouns.

I felt drawn to these concepts, but I didn’t look like most non-binary people I saw on TV shows and read about in novels.”

  For the record folks, the concept of ‘non-binary’ is couched heavily in the idea that we all have a mystical ‘gender identity’ that is undetectable, present *before* birth, and infinitely malleable.  It’s also 100 percent horsepucky.

“Sure, I didn’t like wearing makeup or painting my nails, but I also didn’t wear exclusively gender-neutral clothing or want to change my stereotypically feminine name.

But as I met others like me, I realized that always looking gender-neutral was not a prerequisite for identifying as non-binary, just as always looking feminine is not a requirement to identify as a woman. Now as a 19-year-old student living in Montreal, that realization has only grown stronger.”

  Apparently all it takes to ‘identify’ as a woman is nail polish and how you dress.  This is a prime example of why gender identity is a toxic feature of society.  Gender identity takes sex stereotypes and somehow makes those stereotypes the qualifying features of being a man or woman.  It is such an inherently regressive notion.  Consider the alternative.

  Everyone is born either male or female and that biological fact remains true regardless of how you happen to feel about it.  However, any person can learn/craft a personality that best works for them adopting whichever mannerisms they are comfortable with.  Adopting the stereotypes associated with either sex though, *doesn’t* make you that sex.  For example, a man that decides that he likes wearing skirts is simply that, a man who chooses to wear typically female clothing.  That is awesome if it works for him and he’s comfortable with it.  What it doesn’t do is make him female in any way.

“I felt a wave of relief wash over me when I told my parents I was non-binary in the summer of 2021. They reacted positively, saying they loved me and were proud to be my parents.

At that point, I had been thinking about my pronouns daily for over two years. And I still am.

I am privileged that most people to whom I’ve disclosed my identity have been very welcoming and respectful. I believe this is largely because we as a society are talking more — whether that be in the classroom, in the media or at the dinner table — about what it means to identify as neither a man nor a woman.

I’m grateful for these discussions. But most people I meet still assume I am a woman and use she/her pronouns — oftentimes even after I’ve corrected them.”

  Privileged indeed.  People assume you are a woman because you are still a female regardless of what sort of gender-drivel you happen to spout.

“Mentioning my pronouns again can be scary. If they don’t respect my pronouns, does that mean they think being non-binary isn’t valid? Will they not want to be friends with me anymore? Will they treat me differently at work? These feelings double when the person is in a position of power.

At one dinner, a person shared their opinion that non-binary people were an “epidemic” that had “exploded” in recent years. I felt like I was a disease.”

  Again, observe the mental overhead required to keep the pronoun facade going.  Also, you cede so much power to others for your mental well being.  It is a prescription for feeling vulnerable 24/7.

“These types of interactions with co-workers, professors and fellow students run through my head at night before I fall asleep. What can I do to get people to understand? 

I know these ideas are new for many people, and I try to advocate for non-binary people in my daily life. In my final year of high school in Nova Scotia, I co-authored a proposal to a Girl Guides of Canada’s Nova Scotian council to create a more inclusive environment for non-binary youth.”

  Yikes!  Apparently once you are in the gender cult, proselytizing is a mandatory activity.  You wouldn’t want to live the fragile lifestyle alone.

“Our report contained practical recommendations to help these youth feel more welcome in the organization, and I was happy when it was received positively. But I was most proud that, as I spoke with other Girl Guides about my project, I saw them become more conscious of how they could make non-binary youth feel at home in the community. 

A large part of their effort centered on ensuring they were respecting others’ pronouns.”

  No.  Girl Guides are for girls.  Let us not confuse youth with your dissonant gender magic.

  Let’s also be clear that ‘respecting others’ pronouns’ means compelling others to disbelieve their eyes and lie.  Not acceptable in a free society.  Compelled speech never is.

“I hope that as we continue to talk about how to better support the queer community, people stop assuming anyone’s pronouns and gender, no matter how they perceive them. 

I like my feminine name and wearing the occasional dress. That does not make me any less non-binary or my identity less deserving of respect.

When I’m introduced to someone new, I ask about their pronouns and will tell them mine if it feels safe to do so. That is my way of helping create more understanding and helping others by challenging their assumptions.”

   Nah.  The rest of society is pretty okay with following and comporting with the material reality we all share.

  Be wary when individuals mention the ‘community’ because it is an entity that has no shape, no structure, no formal body.  It is a hollow attempt to give their statements and assumptions more gravitas in the public sphere.  The ‘x-community’ like claiming to be non-binary is a largely meaningless statement, but it makes the people who say it feel better.

   This is a permissible in a free society.  The problem is when the Nascently Boring get worked up because others choose not to play their word games with them.  It is fine to feel – regardless of the level of comportment with reality – that you are not a woman when you are one.

The expectation of others to go along with your fun-house version of reality though is not reasonable, that is just how society works.

  Imagine though spending time on developing an actual personality though that will make people want to interact with you and take pleasure in your company, as opposed to leading every human interaction with your fragility front and centre hoping strangers will play along with fabricated identity (while being devastated when they won’t play make believe with you).

  Just say no to being a Nothing Burger and work on developing a real personality that includes a fair helping of resilience, it will save on the therapy bills later in life.