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Unfair? Nah.
Another bit of well crafted insight into some of the subtle rules that govern our society.
Are we getting children the help they need? There is a nefarious double bind that we put children in that makes it very hard for them to be heard.
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Children should remain silent, and they are ‘good’ when they’re quiet, but ‘bad’ when they are not, because they are disturbing the adults and causing trouble. This attitude runs through the way people interact with children on every level, and yet, they seem surprised when it turns out that children have been struggling with serious medical problems, or they’ve been assaulted or abused.
The most common response is ‘well why didn’t the child say something?’ or ‘why didn’t the child talk to an adult?’ Adults constantly assure themselves that children know to go to a grownup when they are in trouble, and they even repeat that sentiment to children; you can always come to us, adults tell children, when you need help. Find a trusted adult, a teacher or a doctor or a police officer or a firefighter, and tell that adult what’s going on, and you’ll be helped, and everything will be all right.
The thing is that children do that, and the adults don’t listen. Every time a child tells an adult about something and nothing happens, that child learns that adults are liars, and that they don’t provide the promised help. Children hold up their end of the deal by reporting, sometimes at great personal risk, and they get no concrete action in return. Sometimes, the very adult people tell a child to ‘trust’ is the least reliable person; the teacher is friends with the priest who is molesting a student, the firefighter plays pool with the father who is beating a child, they don’t want to cause a scene.
Or children are accused of lying for attention because they accused the wrong person. They’re told they must be mistaken about what happened, unclear on the specifics, because there’s no way what they’re saying could be true, so and so isn’t that kind of person. A mother would never do that. He’s a respected member of the community! In their haste to close their ears to the child’s voice, adults make sure the child’s experience is utterly denied and debunked. Couldn’t be, can’t be, won’t be. The child knows not to say such things in the future, because no one is listening, because people will actively tell the child to be quiet.
Children are also told that they aren’t experiencing what they’re actually experiencing, or they’re being fussy about nothing. A child reports a pain in her leg after gym class, and she’s told to quit whining. Four months later, everyone is shocked when her metastatic bone cancer becomes unavoidably apparent. Had someone listened to her in the first place when she reported the original bone pain and said it felt different that usual, she would have been evaluated sooner. A child tells a teacher he has trouble seeing the blackboard, and the teacher dismisses it, so the child is never referred for glasses; the child struggles with math until high school, when someone finally acknowledges there’s a problem.
This attitude, that children shouldn’t be believed, puts the burden of proof on children, rather than assuming that there might be something to their statements. Some people seem to think that actually listening to children would result in a generation of hopelessly spoiled brats who know they can say anything for attention, but would that actually be the case? That assumption is rooted in the idea that children are not trustworthy, and cannot be respected. I’m having trouble understanding why adults should be viewed as inherently trustworthy and respectable, especially in light of the way we treat children.”
You get this as a teacher. Trusting what children say is not going with the grain, it is fraught with angst and doubt and professional repercussions – all which mean nothing, relatively speaking, as we’re usually talking about someone’s life.
Oh the Kitteh Teasing!
This is one of those cases where all the hard work has been done for me. The train has wrecked, the roller coaster has cleanly left the rails, the cat has barfed on the piano. The fail is so densely packed into Matthew’s post that just unpacking it all might use up all the ink in the mighty Red Pen of Justice. Fortunately, as a teacher and feminist ally, I always bring several back ups because you can never overestimate how stupid people are. Let us begin, faithful readers, to tease apart this wretched hive of scum and misogyny.
“I Hate Teasing Whores” – (or How Yoga-Pants Destroyed My Life.)
(Wow, with a title like this, it must be a very important article filled with facts and deep truths about life.)
I saw a young woman in the grocery store a few hours ago wearing spandex pants that were so obscenely tight that you could almost see the outline of her _____ from the front. (I suppose the polite euphemism is “camel toe”.) (Lady parts are not dirty words – try Labia or even Vulva – but let’s not focus too much on your casual misogyny, bigger fish to fry, let me assure you gentle readers.) Probably the only reason I didn’t jump on top of her (Wow, you are just begging for a cookie here – you achieved the lowest rung of human decency – for the wrong reasons. Congratulations Dude!!) is because I’m pretty sure even women who dress like whores aren’t really interested in random sexual encounters, and I didn’t want her to freak out (notice that it is her fault for what HE does) and get me arrested and sent to prison (Unlikely as most rapists don’t go to prison, but here’s hoping…) .
– Just to clue a few of you women in (because mansplaining is always helpful), if you walk around in spandex pants, the first thing my eyes are drawn to is your crotch (if you’re walking towards me), and of course I look at your butt as you’re walking away from me (damn those women and their mind controlling trousers. If you only knew the POWER of the dark side Yoga Pants). I don’t know if I’m a “pervert” for being so interested in your genitals (Let me clear that up for you: “yes you are a pervert. Whew, that was easy.) or if I’m just a normal heterosexual male who likes _____ (Wow, maybe you should just make a cast of female genitalia and make sweet dude-love to that all day; everyone would win.).
It could also be that I’m sexually frustrated because I don’t have a girlfriend or a wife (because you’re a creeper. Pro-tip: If you think of women as people as opposed to fuck-toilet parts you may have more success.), but I don’t think using a casual girlfriend for sex would make me such a great person (no, you are already a very bad person, you don’t have to worry about minor shit like this.), and finding someone who’s right to marry (I’m thinking right now, potted plants are beyond the reach of your particular brand of ‘appreciation”. Maybe a pet rock?)is an even more difficult challenge.
Oh, watching porn does help alleviate some of my sexual frustration(because watching women being degraded and abused is awesome!) but not all of it (have you tried going lefty, *singing* ” OMG! It’s a whole new world!!!”). But wouldn’t it be nice if we could all live in a society where people simply dressed decently? (because how other people dress is your business…?) –
People didn’t used to dress this way (your grasp of the intricate notion of how fashion changes over time is clearly demonstrative of a keen intellect). Actually, to put it in perspective, think about what spandex pants are for a moment: you’re basically wearing panty hose without the dress (Damn, the dudely wisduh is flowing fast and furious now, this yet another example of a dude setting up women to be responsible for dudely actions). You’re half-dressed and almost naked (and that can only mean the person in question is a slut, amiright?). You might as well be covered in body paint because almost all the subtle curves and details of your body are on display already (and what is wrong with that?). But even women in aerobics exercise classes in the 1980s didn’t usually wear outfits this tight (dear Matthew would know as he has wanked over many 80’s aerobic video’s in his useful stay on earth).
Maybe I also didn’t notice back in the 1980s because I was just a boy and less interested in sex, but there’s still no reason to parade around in public with your genitals on display (oh but there is, the spooooooky miiiiiind controlling yoga-pants!). Normal pants should work just fine. I have run very fast (at top speed) many times in normal sweat pants while exercising, and they never hindered my movement at all. What other reason besides aerodynamics would you have to wear such tight clothing (nothing to do with societal pressures on women to look and act certain ways, it’s almost like performing femininity gets women cookies or something)?
Is it because you’re afraid you might gain weight and you want something that will stretch (fat shame much?)? Well, just buy some pants a couple sizes larger just in case (or pay the money for new pants if/when you gain weight)(mansplaination at its finest) instead of dressing like a whore and creating a sexual distraction (Okay this is totally a theme with Matthew, slutty whores and their magic hypno-pants defeat his brain *all* the time).
I find myself questioning my own conscience (how does one question a moral void?) when I see a woman who makes me want to just rip off what little clothing she has on and use her body for sex (because notes from your boner are totally more important that acknowledging someone’s humanity), because I actually do (believe it or not) have an innate respect for women (Matthew earnestly respects things he’d like to prong! Wow, the depths of that respect.).
I just hate people who tease (of course, teasing is being defined by you). Teasing is lying, and I hate lying. I want the truth (yooou can’t handle the trooooth!! – You’re a douche!) . It’s rude and dishonest when people go around advertising sex (and you know that how?) when in reality they don’t really want sex at all and would probably scream if you even attempted sex with them (women have mouth parts?? and brain parts attached to them?? In some strange alternate dimension I bet you could ask a woman if she wants sexy times or no … !!bzzzzzzzzz – yogapant-mind-domination engaged!! – those slutty bitchez just always askn’ for the peen!!).
Feminists are really delusional and selfish on this issue (as they always are when making the contentious argument that women are people), often trying to make the straw man argument that their bodies don’t belong to men (women’s bodies are not for the consumption of men, despite the historical and societal precedents). Of course your body doesn’t belong to anyone (oh, what this? It resembles a progressive non-douche laden point of view. “Quick! Set yoga-pants to emascula.…*reads next sentence*…never mind.) But your body does attract people. It attracts me (and I think the male body probably attracts women too, so it’s not necessarily sexist) (and it only for your attraction that the women whores do what they do…). That’s how natural, sexual attraction works (maybe in dudeocentric happy-fap-land, but in reality, oh reality my fap-happy friend, it is much, much, different).
We all have a mating instinct (we all naturually have toes and fingernails too, neither toes nor fingers entitle you to treat women as mere objects). (But men ordinarily have enough sense to not wear tight spandex pants that show off their genitals in public (thank you for explaining to women how they should dress based on important notes from your boner), and I’m not attracted to men anyway (because nothing is more scary than teh ghey secks!!), which is why I’m only criticizing women here once again.)
So, how do I reconcile my respect for women (!) with my desire to use this woman’s body for sex like a vicious animal (Sounds like another furious fap session is in order Mr.Pornsick-dude.)? I think maybe there are four types of females (and only one of your type: Doucheus-Maximus), and each brings out a different facet of my personality. There are: girls, women, whores, and teases (complete description of all female archetypes!! Achievement unlocked dude-bro!). I respect girls and women (because they dress and act decently). I respect them as much as they respect themselves. I even respect whores (prostitutes I mean) to a certain extent because they are at least honest and deliver on the sex that they advertise (for a price, but still they deliver).
Wow, if nothing else, Matthew embodies a keen respect of women and their humanity. Just not the slutty prick-teases with their unstoppable-mind controlling yoga pants of Doooooom *reverb*.
Lessons to learn.
1. Women are not responsible for your actions.
2. The judgements from your eye-penis are not valid outside the fap-o-sphere known as your mind.
3. Women are not responsible for your actions.
Finally the concise wisdom of Sinfest to close the post.
Update: A big thanks to John Zande for finding credible support for Matthew’s progressive views on the Womenfolk!
The experience of society and day to day living is different for women and men. This should be a simple concept to grasp as it lies at the base of every discussion when it comes to gender roles and society. Gender socialization runs deep and wide encoding behaviours and expectations onto people who live in our society. The enforcement of gendered roles and stereotypes begins at birth and ceases only at death.
A problem (among many) with this socialization is that it is inherently biased toward people that happen to have an XY set of sex chromosomes. Concomitantly, possessing the XX chromosomes presents an entirely different landscape to grow up. Let’s take a peek at some of the experiences of women(quotes from Everyday Sexism tumblr) –
2013-07-13 01:30 : “I was sitting down with my friends eating lunch when a boy walked up to me with his friends and said to me “pop a tit you slut!”. I was wearing school uniform which was track pants and a jumper. His friends laughed. When I looked at the boy angrily his friend scoffed and said “Jesus, you’re moody!” I ignored them and they walked away. Once they were gone I said to my friends that I felt so intimidated and uncomfortable. One of my friends looked at me and said “well he told you to pop a tit, so he must think you’re hot!”
Anon – “On a college spring break trip, one of the guys thought it was appropriate to pat my rear. He was already walking away before I could do more than give him a sharp look. The next day, he sidled up to me and slung his arm around my shoulders. It seems like such a little thing, but I barely knew this guy. We’d spoken only a few times in the past, and I froze. My utter lack of response-ironically enough-seems to be the hint he needed to back off. He didn’t bother me for the rest of the trip, but I still wonder why he thought any uninvited contact was okay?”
2013-07-11 16:46 : “At a choir, a boy called me a slut and lifted up my skirt for all to see. It was mortifying. I’m 17.”
2013-07-11 17:26 : “A man was touching the fronts of my two older (early pubescent) sisters’ t-shirts- he was pretending he was only interested in what was written on the shirts, not what was under them- but he was touching their breasts in reality, and doing this right in front of my mom! I was a lot younger and did not have a T shirt on, and I was clueless and felt a little jealous that the man was not paying any attention to me!! But because of the look on my mom’s face, I knew something was not right as I did not understand that he was fondling their breasts. Mom knew, yet she did NOTHING to protect her daughters! In retrospect I realize that she felt as helpless as my two sisters did.
We three sisters, decades later, learned that mom and her cousins had been fondled by her step-father and not one had spoken up then. Silence is like death.”
2013-07-11 09:19 – “When I want to go out in the evening, I’ve grown accustomed to asking my husband to ‘babysit.’ His own children. Who he lives with. When he goes out, it’s assumed I’ll be here.”
2013-07-11 02:44 – “One of my male coworkers stopped by my desk on more than one occasion to tell me how his wife is no fun to have sex with after she had children (in graphic detail), asked me to do a sexy librarian dance, and critiqued my outfits every day, without fail…when I went to my boss (also male, mid-60s), he told me the co-worker I complained about was “really a good guy” and “didn’t mean it”…”
Huh. Seems a little different that what it is like to be male in society, no? Going further, let’s understand that all of this cognitive baggage is going to effect a person’s performance negatively, and yes dudes, just because it doesn’t happen to you doesn’t mean that it isn’t happening.
2013-07-11 01:07 – “A man approached me at the library to day. He made a joke about a girl (me), wearing a “Twins of Evil” (Marilyn Manson and Rob Zombie) T-shirt. I didn’t understand, until he made a grabbing motion with his hands towards my breasts.
He only stopped commenting when I informed him that I have a boyfriend.”2013-07-10 23:14 – “When i was 14 I was in drama class and some boys from my Drama class grabbed me and pulled me behind the curtains and started feeling me up and slapping my bum. I didnt want to make them mad and think that i wasn’t cool so i just casually pushed them away and tried to laugh it off but they took it like i was playing hard to get and started getting more aggressive and when tried to push them off of me i let out a groan and they said “oh my god she likes it, she likes it ” and then one of them turned me around and pulled me into him while the others watched . The final bell rang after they let me go. Im not sure what else would have happened if it hadn’t.”
2013-07-10 22:36 – “I have to put up with my uncles — not uncles by marriage, they are my own blood — calling me sexy, constantly trying to hug me, “tickling” me, and even grabbing my ass. I feel like I can’t fight back or speak up about it because every time I do, the rest of my entire family silences me by saying “Oh, they’re just being nice!” If they were simply trying to compliment me, I think a quick “you look nice today” would suffice. This has been going on since I was 16. I am 23 now. My family wonders why I avoid the annual reunion.”
2013-07-10 17:23 – Teenage boy – maybe 16/17? – “calling me a tosser and a slut as I walked down my local high street. I was nine.”
2013-07-10 17:12 – “The weather has finally gotten nice, and my brother and I walked to a local ice cream shop. We’d had a fun night, when a car passing at around 30 mph felt it was necessary to yell “Tits!” at me out the window. By the time I realized what had happened, they were long gone. And, in under 10 seconds, my really great night was ruined.
I’ve noticed I usually have less problems with street harassment when I’m walking with guys. While this offers a measure of “protection,” it also makes it really tough to explain to the guys in my life why this is such a big issue, and why it can ruin a night. (At the same time, this “protection” also makes me feel like I can’t walk alone, either. Damned if you do…) It was really interesting to watch my brother slowly understand and process what had just happened. And then recognize how much one person shouting messed with me.”
How can you avoid this shit as it is waiting for you outside your door *every frakking time* you step out of your house? One can’t, of course. You steel yourself the best you can and get on with your day.
I spent 1200 words trying to get across the point of the gender differences and inherent sexism in our society, yet watch as Tatsuya Ishida does the same thing with a four panel comic.
Texting and driving. Just don’t. Your phone and texts just are not that important.
Wow, this is still a thing. Drunk women do not deserve to get raped. Ever.
From i-once-had-a-guy-tell-me:
I am NOT saying that all cases could have been avoided but certain ones yes. My thing is that girls that go to parties and get drunk don’t blame themselves a tiny bit. That’s what I was specifying. If you go to a party without people you trust then you really are to blame.
And if I walk outside alone with a wallet in my pocket, and I get mugged, I’m to blame. And if I work nights at a convenience store and it gets robbed, I’m to blame. And if I drive a car on the highway and someone else is on their cell phone and they hit my car, I’m to blame. And if I trust that the chicken sandwich I bought at a fast food chain is safe to eat and I get food poisoning, I’m to blame. And if I go outside of my home and am attacked by an angry, escaped dog off its leash, I am to blame. Sound about right?
The penalty for getting drunk should be a hangover.
Not rape.
The first law of misogyny is that women are responsible for what men do to them.
bleatmop
Mystro
Dead Wild Roses 