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One of my responsibilities in my part time job is to ensure that the bathrooms are reasonably clean and stocked, this equates roughly to once a shift boogieing around the building with a cart full of TP and paper towel (or many times during the most dreaded of all times on campus, dance festival season, but that is a different post).  I’m not sure if behaviour in bathrooms are a psychological goldmine for understanding the human psyche, but a couple of interesting behaviours come to mind when it comes to maintaining the Water-closets where I work.

1.  The amazing stupidity of people who think that wetting a bit of paper towel or TP and putting it on the roll of TP; thus ruining an entire roll of toilet paper.  For what?  What brave crusade are you fighting here dudes (and it is always dudes, not once in my 10 years working have I seen women be this stupid)?  Your brave ‘fuck the system’ stance starts with destroying 45 cents worth of TP?  Your cherished radical narchism has no room for bumfluff?  The fuq?  I just don’t get it.

2. For point two we have pictorial evidence.    Observe.

Aww, you don’t want to catch anything from the nasty toilet seat, amiright?  Your fine sense of hygiene is protecting your valued tuckus by laying down that half-micron thick patina of toilet paper protection.  You are good now, “golden” even.  You can do your business confidently and securely.  Your commitment to cleanliness and hygiene should be applauded.

So, hyper hygiene freaks, why do you leave the TP on the seat?  What is your reasoning behind this?  Is pushing the TP the two centimeters into the bowl some sort Everest K2 type of task?  Is Atlas pounding on the door demanding that you save some of that world-lifting action for him?  If you’re all squicky about touching the TP your ass was just on could you not use your foot and nudge the now “toxic” paper straight into the loo (it is what I do after shaking my head for having to deal with your idiocy)?

Here is my hypothesis – and this applies to both dudes and dudettes – you are worried about your hygiene, but in your cravenly small self centered universe you really don’t care about the next person who has to deal with now adorned porcelain you’ve left behind.  You exhibit a glaringly pathetic of empathy and consideration for the next person by not taking the two seconds to move your butt-shield into the loo.  Concomitantly you are also slavishly embracing the foolhardy notion of the world revolving around your special-snowflake axis of posterior protection; and that positively pisses me off.

And thus, you too my toilet dressing friend are lumped into the same opprobrium deserving category as the brave anarchists sticking it to the Man by wetting toilet paper rolls.

Do you do this?  If you do, please consider reforming your behaviour as I am sure it is furrowing brows everywhere for those who have to look after restrooms and puzzle why people do such inane things on such a regular basis.

Gaah!