You are currently browsing the tag archive for the ‘Rape Culture’ tag.

Building communities to protect women via technology, sounds okay to me.   Anyhow, the Circle of 6 app is meant to give people, with expensive first world technology, some options.  Here is the press blurb from the site.

circleofsix“With Circle of 6 you have a new way to connect with your most trusted friends – to stay
close, stay safe and prevent violence before it happens!
It’s the mobile way to look out for your friends – on campus or when you’re out for the night.
Circle of 6 lets you choose six trusted friends to add to your circle. If you get into an uncomfortable
or risky situation, use Circle of 6 to automatically send your circle a pre-programmed SMS alert
message, with your exact location. It’s quick. It’s discreet. Two taps on your iPhone is all it takes.
Here’s how it works:
• You’re out late and you lose track of your friends.
Use Circle of 6 to send your circle a “come and get me” message – with a map using GPS to
show your precise location.
• You’re on a date that starts to get uncomfortable. You need a polite way to excuse yourself.
Use Circle of 6 to alert your circle to call you and interrupt the situation.
• You’re seeing someone new, but you have some doubts about how things are going.
Use Circle of 6 to access a wealth of online information about healthy relationships.
• In critical situations, use Circle of 6 to call two pre-programmed national hotlines or a local
emergency number of your choice.
Circle of 6 is more than a safety application; it’s a community and a state of mind. It fosters the
formation of groups based on trust, and it connects users with organizations who have made
violence prevention their mission. We hope that the app becomes a vehicle for a social movement
that champions safe and healthy relationships.

  The app for dudes is so much simpler – it just brings up this handy poster for quick viewing

rcs[topten]pcarda6fin2reverse

*TW for sexual violence.

Project Unbreakable is about the survivors of sexual assault.  It is a photoblog of survivors holding up signs with messages about their experiences and feelings.  Powerful stuff.

Abuse is epidemic in our societies, not thinking about it does not make it go away.  Please link to and propagate Project Unbreakable’s message.

Welcome to what is going to become a DWR reference video.  It is going to be step 1 or make that step 1a, step 1 being gong over to finallyfeminism101 and reading,  for dudes that want to talk about feminism and equality because as of late (read always) dudes seem to have very little clue as to what the situation in society actually is and how others in society have to act to stay safe.  I found this video over at Unladylike Musings along with her narrative of what it is like for women in society, today as in right now, as in the present as in…

It’s fine if you don’t get it or understand it the first time, but it is real and it is happening.   I too am tired of the silence.

 

This from Can you Relate, a helpful guide to Rape Prevention.

 

Ten rape prevention tips:

1. Don’t put drugs in women’s drinks.

2. When you see a woman walking by herself, leave her alone.

3. If you pull over to help a woman whose car has broken down, remember not to rape her.

4. If you are in an elevator and a woman gets in, don’t rape her.

5. When you encounter a woman who is asleep, the safest course of action is to not rape her.

6. Never creep into a woman’s home through an unlocked door or window, or spring out at her from between parked cars, or rape her.

7. Remember, people go to the laundry room to do their laundry. Do not attempt to molest someone who is alone in a laundry room.

8. Use the Buddy System! If it is inconvenient for you to stop yourself from raping women, ask a trusted friend to accompany you at all times.

9. Carry a rape whistle. If you find that you are about to rape someone, blow the whistle until someone comes to stop you.

10. Don’t forget: Honesty is the best policy. When asking a woman out on a date, don’t pretend that you are interested in her as a person; tell her straight up that you expect to be raping her later. If you don’t communicate your intentions, the woman may take it as a sign that you do not plan to rape her.

My co-worker recently created this list, inspired by sites like this. As I was reading, I couldn’t decide if I should laugh or be horrified by the reality that violence prevention tips are always aimed at what the targeted person should do (judgment strongly implied) to protect themselves.

In the past two weeks, headlines about rape have flooded the news—CBS Reporter Recounts a ‘Merciless’ Assault, Congo study sets estimates of rape much higher , Peace Corps volunteer speaks out on rape. And, of course, IMF Chief charged with rape. I am glad to see people speaking out about rape. But raising awareness isn’t enough. How do we actually change perpetrators’ thoughts and convince them not to rape?

If you experienced rape as a reporter, a Peace Corps volunteer, a war survivor, a hotel maid, or by your partner, you don’t need rape prevention tips. It is the rapist and the culture around us that excuses, supports, and looks away that we must change.

This comment jumped out at me from a thread I was perusing at Captain Awkward.com.  I commiserate with the author to a certain extent, as the post as it describes so much of the frustration I have to put up with attempting to educate people about basic facts of our culture.  My frustration is nothing though compared with people who have to deal with this sorta crap everday.  Post-Feminism my ass.  There is still such a long way to go toward achieving equality and recognition of women as fully human, fully autonomous beings.  Oh, and go read the whole thread over there, it is well worth your time.

SisterCoyote said:

“I don’t want to dogpile or anything. But I just feel like I should say this.

Every single person, IRL, to whom I have said the words “Rape Culture,” has been hearing it for the first time from me. It is possible that one or two of the women at Food Not Bombs mentioned it, but I don’t remember. One of my closest friends – first time*. My close female friend in highschool – first time. Any of my best friends, honestly. Most of the geeky fannish writing group I hang out with online – a handful of exceptions, there. Not many. My dad, first time (and ye gods, what was I thinking?). My brother, first time. My sister, first time. Every single one of her friends**. First time ever hearing the words “Rape Culture.”

The way we’re going to make headway as a culture is by addressing this stuff head-on, and making it clear this shit is no longer tolerable. The way we can make headway as a culture to stop Rape Culture is to popularize this struggle. To make it clear that society is not going to put up with this shit anymore. To get comics to realize that it’s not “edgy.” To get guys to realize that it’s not acceptable damage.

Look, I’m tired of being Angry Social Justice Girl. I want to go back to being Cheerful Carefree Artist Girl. I want to stop muttering under my breath at the movie theatre (Oooh, another movie about how Evil Desert People are trying to destroy us! That’s not exploiting a rift or marginalizing anyone!), I want to stop complaining about three out of every four commercials (“With this toothpaste, you won’t just be the ex, you’ll be the one that got away,” yeah fuck you), I want to enjoy comics without feeling less-than-human because I’m a short androgynous girl, not a massive-boobed rubber-spined stiletto-heeled long-haired pinup model (Do less-than-sex-objects girls even exist in comicsland?), I don’t want to be outraged.

I am so very, very tired of being angry. I wish that being happy and peaceful and politely asking people to please, thank you, maybe treat us a little more like human beings if you would kindly… worked. It doesn’t. That gets you a pat on the head.

This went on a lot longer than I intended, and I apologize. It’s just – the only reason it seems like this is a big cultural thing is because we’re here, surrounded by people who get it. The rest of the world is not so understanding. The rest of the world is indifferent, for the most part, and actively hostile at times. That has to change, and the only way it’s going to happen is if we refuse to back down when this stuff goes down.

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We still have far to go as civilization, when half the population is subject to shite like this.

   This is a amazing comment and I stole it (thank you Captain Awkward) to share with you, my loyal readers..  It is long, but necessary.

—–

“Not surprisingly, I have a story? It’s pretty long, and I’m sorry. My husband, Doctor Glass, recently went on a weeklong workshop. The participants worked on teams, slept in a dormitory, shared meals and spent all day together. While there, Dr Glass acquired a strikingly beautiful female friend, who was absolutely luminous – like a fallen star or a revolutionary. She was also just about to enter university, making her very much younger than Dr Glass. They were on the same team, had much in common, and seemed to enjoy each other.

However, there was a twenty-something dude on the course who, according to Dr Glass, “made things awkward.” Immediately, he tried to make the workshop all about his pantsfeelings for Luminous Girl. Although he was on a different team, he was constantly buzzing around Dr Glass and Luminous Girl, getting in their way (which was dangerous and distracting, as they were doing physical labor) and trying to get her to talk to him, work with him, come over and look at his work, etc. In return she tried to ignore him, laughed him off politely, repeatedly referenced her desire to do her work, physically moved away whenever he got close to her, and stuck like glue to Dr Glass; saying NO in all those thousand little pleasant ways that women are trained to do. Awkward Dude tried to impress her with physical activity, but Dr Glass cut him off because he was being distracting. Confused and annoyed, Awkward stepped up his Game, trying to impress her with his intellectual cred, and it went down like a lead zeppelin, with Luminous and Dr Glass resuming their own work and conversations. So Awkward started loudly asking wasn’t Dr Glass married?!

At this, Awkward Dude attempted to kill Dr Glass with his laser-eyeballs at every turn, lurking and glaring and pining like a bad Snape impersonator. (Dr Glass wasn’t sure why he was suddenly the target of the resulting animosity, as he clearly had no romantic interest in Luminous, until I explained it to him: Dude had decided that the reason Luminous Girl was not sleeping with him was because she was the Possession of Another Male, and further, a Male who Already Had His Fair Share of Females; thus Dr Glass was the enemy for not shunning her and leaving a clear path for fellow males. “Oh,” said Dr Glass in sudden revelation, “That makes sense, I guess.”)

But the guy persisted – it wasn’t that Luminous didn’t like him! It was that she was clearly in thrall of my husband. The solution was to get her alone! So whenever they sat down to a lecture, Luminous, practically dragging Dr Glass by the arm, would move like lightning to position herself between him and a safe wall – with her lovely admirer circling them and glaring, loudly asking Dr Glass about his Wife Back Home. Awkward Dude implied that Dr Glass was creepy and odd for always hanging out with a girl half his age. Awkward Dude was annoyed that the course director, an older woman who should presumably know better, had assigned dorm space based on teams, so that Dr Glass and Luminous bunked in adjacent rooms (while he, Awkward Dude, was in the wing with the married couples!) because it was inappropriate and wrong to place a married man next to a teenaged female. On a particularly cold day, Dr Glass noticed that Luminous did not have warm clothing, and lent her an extra hoodie. It happened to have his name on it; Awkward Dude practically ignited, to the point where even the other people on the course were laughing awkwardly at him and saying “Uh, she’s… allowed to wear clothes?”

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