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It’s a sad set of humanity that has to buy sex from another. Tanja Rahm speaks of her experiences and the pathetic nature of those who employ her. Thank you to the Antiporn Activist tumblr for hosting her story.
Dear sex customer,
If you think that I ever felt attracted to you, you are terribly mistaken. I have never had any desire to go to work, not once. The only thing on my mind was to make money, and fast. Do not confuse that with easy money, it was never easy. Fast, yes. Because I quickly learned the many tricks to get you to come as quickly as possible, so I could get you off of me, or from under me, or from behind me.
And no, you never turned me on during the act. I was a great actress. For years I have had the opportunity to practice for free. Actually, it falls under the concept of multitasking. Because while you lay there, my thoughts were always elsewhere. Somewhere where I was not confronted with you sucking out my self respect, without spending as much as ten seconds on the reality of the situation, or to look me in the eye.
If you thought you were doing me a favour by paying me for thirty minutes or an hour, you were wrong. I would rather have had you in and out as fast as possible. When you thought yourself to my holy saviour, asking what a pretty girl like me was doing in a place like that, you lost your halo when you proceeded to ask me to lie down on my back, and then put all your efforts into feeling my body as much as possible with your hands. Actually, I would have preferred if you had gotten down on your back and had let me do my job.
When you thought you could boost your masculinity by getting me to climax, you need to know that I faked it. I could have won a gold medal in faking it. I faked it so much, that the receptionist would nearly fall off of her chair laughing. What did you expect? You were perhaps number three, or number five, or eight that day. Did you really think I was able to get turned on mentally or physically by having sex with men I did not choose myself? Not ever. My genitals were burning. From lubricant and condoms. And I was tired. So tired, that often I had to be careful not to close my eyes for fear of falling asleep while my moaning continued on autopilot.
If you thought you paid for loyalty or small talk, you need to think again. I had zero interest in your excuses. I did not care that your wife had SPD, and that you just could not go without sex. Or when you offered any other pathetic excuse for coming to buy sex with me. When you thought I understood you and had sympathy for you, it was all a lie. I had nothing but contempt for you, and at the same time you destroyed something inside of me. You sowed the seeds of doubt in me. Doubt as to whether all men were just as cynical and unfaithful as you were.
When you praised my appearance, my body, or my sexual abilities, you could just as well have vomited on me. You did not see the person behind the mask. You only saw that which confirmed your illusion of a raunchy woman with an unstoppable sex drive. In fact, you never said what you thought I wanted to hear. Instead, you said what you yourself needed to hear. You said that, which was needed to preserve your illusion, and which prevented you from thinking about how I had ended up where I was at twenty years of age. Basically you did not care at all. Because you had one goal only, and that was to show off your power by paying me to use my body as it pleased you.
What a concept eh?
Another bit of well crafted insight into some of the subtle rules that govern our society.
The experience of society and day to day living is different for women and men. This should be a simple concept to grasp as it lies at the base of every discussion when it comes to gender roles and society. Gender socialization runs deep and wide encoding behaviours and expectations onto people who live in our society. The enforcement of gendered roles and stereotypes begins at birth and ceases only at death.
A problem (among many) with this socialization is that it is inherently biased toward people that happen to have an XY set of sex chromosomes. Concomitantly, possessing the XX chromosomes presents an entirely different landscape to grow up. Let’s take a peek at some of the experiences of women(quotes from Everyday Sexism tumblr) –
2013-07-13 01:30 : “I was sitting down with my friends eating lunch when a boy walked up to me with his friends and said to me “pop a tit you slut!”. I was wearing school uniform which was track pants and a jumper. His friends laughed. When I looked at the boy angrily his friend scoffed and said “Jesus, you’re moody!” I ignored them and they walked away. Once they were gone I said to my friends that I felt so intimidated and uncomfortable. One of my friends looked at me and said “well he told you to pop a tit, so he must think you’re hot!”
Anon – “On a college spring break trip, one of the guys thought it was appropriate to pat my rear. He was already walking away before I could do more than give him a sharp look. The next day, he sidled up to me and slung his arm around my shoulders. It seems like such a little thing, but I barely knew this guy. We’d spoken only a few times in the past, and I froze. My utter lack of response-ironically enough-seems to be the hint he needed to back off. He didn’t bother me for the rest of the trip, but I still wonder why he thought any uninvited contact was okay?”
2013-07-11 16:46 : “At a choir, a boy called me a slut and lifted up my skirt for all to see. It was mortifying. I’m 17.”
2013-07-11 17:26 : “A man was touching the fronts of my two older (early pubescent) sisters’ t-shirts- he was pretending he was only interested in what was written on the shirts, not what was under them- but he was touching their breasts in reality, and doing this right in front of my mom! I was a lot younger and did not have a T shirt on, and I was clueless and felt a little jealous that the man was not paying any attention to me!! But because of the look on my mom’s face, I knew something was not right as I did not understand that he was fondling their breasts. Mom knew, yet she did NOTHING to protect her daughters! In retrospect I realize that she felt as helpless as my two sisters did.
We three sisters, decades later, learned that mom and her cousins had been fondled by her step-father and not one had spoken up then. Silence is like death.”
2013-07-11 09:19 – “When I want to go out in the evening, I’ve grown accustomed to asking my husband to ‘babysit.’ His own children. Who he lives with. When he goes out, it’s assumed I’ll be here.”
2013-07-11 02:44 – “One of my male coworkers stopped by my desk on more than one occasion to tell me how his wife is no fun to have sex with after she had children (in graphic detail), asked me to do a sexy librarian dance, and critiqued my outfits every day, without fail…when I went to my boss (also male, mid-60s), he told me the co-worker I complained about was “really a good guy” and “didn’t mean it”…”
Huh. Seems a little different that what it is like to be male in society, no? Going further, let’s understand that all of this cognitive baggage is going to effect a person’s performance negatively, and yes dudes, just because it doesn’t happen to you doesn’t mean that it isn’t happening.
2013-07-11 01:07 – “A man approached me at the library to day. He made a joke about a girl (me), wearing a “Twins of Evil” (Marilyn Manson and Rob Zombie) T-shirt. I didn’t understand, until he made a grabbing motion with his hands towards my breasts.
He only stopped commenting when I informed him that I have a boyfriend.”2013-07-10 23:14 – “When i was 14 I was in drama class and some boys from my Drama class grabbed me and pulled me behind the curtains and started feeling me up and slapping my bum. I didnt want to make them mad and think that i wasn’t cool so i just casually pushed them away and tried to laugh it off but they took it like i was playing hard to get and started getting more aggressive and when tried to push them off of me i let out a groan and they said “oh my god she likes it, she likes it ” and then one of them turned me around and pulled me into him while the others watched . The final bell rang after they let me go. Im not sure what else would have happened if it hadn’t.”
2013-07-10 22:36 – “I have to put up with my uncles — not uncles by marriage, they are my own blood — calling me sexy, constantly trying to hug me, “tickling” me, and even grabbing my ass. I feel like I can’t fight back or speak up about it because every time I do, the rest of my entire family silences me by saying “Oh, they’re just being nice!” If they were simply trying to compliment me, I think a quick “you look nice today” would suffice. This has been going on since I was 16. I am 23 now. My family wonders why I avoid the annual reunion.”
2013-07-10 17:23 – Teenage boy – maybe 16/17? – “calling me a tosser and a slut as I walked down my local high street. I was nine.”
2013-07-10 17:12 – “The weather has finally gotten nice, and my brother and I walked to a local ice cream shop. We’d had a fun night, when a car passing at around 30 mph felt it was necessary to yell “Tits!” at me out the window. By the time I realized what had happened, they were long gone. And, in under 10 seconds, my really great night was ruined.
I’ve noticed I usually have less problems with street harassment when I’m walking with guys. While this offers a measure of “protection,” it also makes it really tough to explain to the guys in my life why this is such a big issue, and why it can ruin a night. (At the same time, this “protection” also makes me feel like I can’t walk alone, either. Damned if you do…) It was really interesting to watch my brother slowly understand and process what had just happened. And then recognize how much one person shouting messed with me.”
How can you avoid this shit as it is waiting for you outside your door *every frakking time* you step out of your house? One can’t, of course. You steel yourself the best you can and get on with your day.
I spent 1200 words trying to get across the point of the gender differences and inherent sexism in our society, yet watch as Tatsuya Ishida does the same thing with a four panel comic.
Not the most encouraging study.
“Princeton University psychologist Susan Fiske took brain scans of heterosexual men while they looked at sexualised images of women wearing bikinis. She found that the part of their brains that became activated was pre-motor – areas that usually light up when people anticipate using tools. The men were reacting to the images as if the women were objects they were going to act on. Particularly shocking was the discovery that the participants who scored highest on tests of hostile sexism were those most likely to deactivate the part of the brain that considers other people’s intentions (the medial prefrontal cortex) while looking at the pictures. These men were responding to images of the women as if they were non-human.”
bleatmop
Mystro
Dead Wild Roses 