“Here’s the thing. Men in our culture have been socialized to believe that their opinions on women’s appearance matter a lot. Not all men buy into this, of course, but many do. Some seem incapable of entertaining the notion that not everything women do with their appearance is for men to look at. This is why men’s response to women discussing stifling beauty norms is so often something like “But I actually like small boobs!” and “But I actually like my women on the heavier side, if you know what I mean!” They don’t realize that their individual opinion on women’s appearance doesn’t matter in this context, and that while it might be reassuring for some women to know that there are indeed men who find them fuckable, that’s not the point of the discussion. Women, too, have been socialized to believe that the ultimate arbiters of their appearance are men, that anything they do with their appearance is or should be “for men.” That’s why women’s magazines trip over themselves to offer up advice on “what he wants to see you wearing” and “what men think of these current fashion trends” and “wow him with these new hairstyles.” While women can and do judge each other’s appearance harshly, many of us grew up being told by mothers, sisters, and female strangers that we’ll never “get a man” or “keep a man” unless we do X or lose some fat from Y, unless we moisturize//trim/shave/push up/hide/show/”flatter”/paint/dye/exfoliate/pierce/surgically alter this or that.
That’s also why when a woman wears revealing clothes, it’s okay, in our society, to assume that she’s “looking for attention” or that she’s a slut and wants to sleep with a bunch of guys. Because why else would a woman wear revealing clothes if not for the benefit of men and to communicate her sexual availability to them, right? It can’t possibly have anything to do with the fact that it’s hot out or it’s more comfortable or she likes how she looks in it or everything else is in the laundry or she wants to get a tan or maybe she likes women and wants attention from them, not from men?
The result of all this is that many men, even kind and well-meaning men, believe, however subconsciously, that women’s bodies are for them. They are for them to look at, for them to pass judgment on, for them to bless with a compliment if they deign to do so. They are not for women to enjoy, take pride in, love, accept, explore, show off, or hide as they please. They are for men and their pleasure.”
bleatmop
Mystro
The Arbourist
Dead Wild Roses 
2 comments
October 3, 2013 at 2:26 pm
Jymn
Pure sexism. Or reverse sexism. Or whatever you want to call whining that men are of one mind, one goal, one drive when encountering a woman. We are not all that ignorant and neither are the women, of whom you seem to have such a low opinion.
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October 3, 2013 at 10:28 pm
The Arbourist
@Jymn
Err…no.
Wow, even more wrong. Oppressed classes do not oppress the dominant class. Unless you’d like to argue that slaves somehow wield power over their masters.
Now, lets look at the text posted to see if there are any hasty generalizations:
Was there any mention of all men? Hmm…?
Let me quote you some sections here.
Et cetera. -The other mentions talk about men in society and as a class. The idea being, as all other classes, they are on a spectrum; this is commonly understood.
I’m not seeing any passages that point to this assertion.
As stated earlier, said quote of the day is not making that claim.
This quote comments on the socialization of women in our society, it is in fact, markedly different than that of men.
I’m happy you’ve noticed this difference within the article, and the push back is par for the course. It is what happens when you challenge the dominant paradigm or accepted ‘truths’ in society.
It’s hear where I ask to you to keep an open mind and do some further reading on feminism to see if the knee jerk reaction you had (oh this is all BS) is what you’d like to stick with, or perhaps these women talking about their experience in society just might have a point.
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