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Somehow, it is still hard to talk to men about sexism without meeting a wall of defensiveness that shades into outright hostility, even violence. Anger is an entirely appropriate response to learning that you’re implicated in a system that oppresses women – but the solution isn’t to direct that anger back at women. The solution isn’t to shut down debate by accusing us of “reverse sexism”, as if that will somehow balance out the problem and stop you feeling so uncomfortable.
Sexism should be uncomfortable. It is painful and enraging to be on the receiving end of misogynist attacks and it is also painful to watch them happen and to know that you’re implicated, even though you never chose to be. You’re supposed to react when you’re told that a group you are a member of is actively screwing over other human beings, in the same way that you’re supposed to react when a doctor hammers your knee to test your nerves. If it doesn’t move, something is horribly wrong.
Saying that “all men are implicated in a culture of sexism” – all men, not just some men –may sound like an accusation. In reality, it’s a challenge. You, individual man, with your individual dreams and desires, did not ask to be born into a world where being a boy gave you social and sexual advantages over girls. You don’t want to live in a world where little girls get raped and then are told they provoked it in a court of law; where women’s work is poorly paid or unpaid; where we are called sluts and whores for demanding simple sexual equality. You did not choose any of this. What you do get to choose, right now, is what happens next.
You can choose, as a man, to help create a fairer world for women – and for men, too. You can choose to challenge misogyny and sexual violence wherever you see them. You can choose to take risks and spend energy supporting women, promoting women, treating the women in your life as true equals. You can choose to stand up and say no and, every day, more men and boys are making that choice. The question is – will you be one of them?
– Laurie Penny
“Perpetrators of SA [Sexual Assault] tend to adhere to traditional gender-role stereotypes, especially with respect to the acceptance of male dominance, acceptance of rape-supportive myths, acceptance of interpersonal violence as a means of conflict resolution, and hostility toward women. These beliefs develop at an early age and come from many sources, usually other men. The extent to which men adhere to such beliefs is sometimes termed the hyper-masculinity factor.”
—Edited by Paula K. Lunderberg-Love & Shelly L. Marmion, “Intimate Violence Against Women: When Spouses, Partners or Lovers Attack.” Praeger Publishers, 2008. (p. 62)
Hmm, Male dominance, rape supportive myths, violent conflict resolution and hostility toward women – it is like the authors just defined the Man-o-sphere.
*Bonus update*
Oh hey, another shining example of “MRA activism”. Keep in mind, it makes perfect sense to them.
Our noble human rights warriors recently decided that they would spam Occidental College with false rape reports.
Indeed, a host of Men’s Rights Redditors were so convinced of the innate evil of the online form they all had the same bright idea: let’s flood the school with false reports of rape and break the form.
Wait, aren’t these the same dudes who are outraged by false rape accusations?
Oh right, they only think it’s an issue when hypothetical women make false rape accusations.
When it’s a hate group full of straight white men actually making the false rape accusations, that’s men’s rights activism.
MRAs do not care about helping men. They only care about hurting women.
Behold dear readers the dark swirling maw of MRA stupidity. :Let it be known that the only constant you can count on is misogyny.
Oh the Kitteh Teasing!
This is one of those cases where all the hard work has been done for me. The train has wrecked, the roller coaster has cleanly left the rails, the cat has barfed on the piano. The fail is so densely packed into Matthew’s post that just unpacking it all might use up all the ink in the mighty Red Pen of Justice. Fortunately, as a teacher and feminist ally, I always bring several back ups because you can never overestimate how stupid people are. Let us begin, faithful readers, to tease apart this wretched hive of scum and misogyny.
“I Hate Teasing Whores” – (or How Yoga-Pants Destroyed My Life.)
(Wow, with a title like this, it must be a very important article filled with facts and deep truths about life.)
I saw a young woman in the grocery store a few hours ago wearing spandex pants that were so obscenely tight that you could almost see the outline of her _____ from the front. (I suppose the polite euphemism is “camel toe”.) (Lady parts are not dirty words – try Labia or even Vulva – but let’s not focus too much on your casual misogyny, bigger fish to fry, let me assure you gentle readers.) Probably the only reason I didn’t jump on top of her (Wow, you are just begging for a cookie here – you achieved the lowest rung of human decency – for the wrong reasons. Congratulations Dude!!) is because I’m pretty sure even women who dress like whores aren’t really interested in random sexual encounters, and I didn’t want her to freak out (notice that it is her fault for what HE does) and get me arrested and sent to prison (Unlikely as most rapists don’t go to prison, but here’s hoping…) .
– Just to clue a few of you women in (because mansplaining is always helpful), if you walk around in spandex pants, the first thing my eyes are drawn to is your crotch (if you’re walking towards me), and of course I look at your butt as you’re walking away from me (damn those women and their mind controlling trousers. If you only knew the POWER of the dark side Yoga Pants). I don’t know if I’m a “pervert” for being so interested in your genitals (Let me clear that up for you: “yes you are a pervert. Whew, that was easy.) or if I’m just a normal heterosexual male who likes _____ (Wow, maybe you should just make a cast of female genitalia and make sweet dude-love to that all day; everyone would win.).
It could also be that I’m sexually frustrated because I don’t have a girlfriend or a wife (because you’re a creeper. Pro-tip: If you think of women as people as opposed to fuck-toilet parts you may have more success.), but I don’t think using a casual girlfriend for sex would make me such a great person (no, you are already a very bad person, you don’t have to worry about minor shit like this.), and finding someone who’s right to marry (I’m thinking right now, potted plants are beyond the reach of your particular brand of ‘appreciation”. Maybe a pet rock?)is an even more difficult challenge.
Oh, watching porn does help alleviate some of my sexual frustration(because watching women being degraded and abused is awesome!) but not all of it (have you tried going lefty, *singing* ” OMG! It’s a whole new world!!!”). But wouldn’t it be nice if we could all live in a society where people simply dressed decently? (because how other people dress is your business…?) –
People didn’t used to dress this way (your grasp of the intricate notion of how fashion changes over time is clearly demonstrative of a keen intellect). Actually, to put it in perspective, think about what spandex pants are for a moment: you’re basically wearing panty hose without the dress (Damn, the dudely wisduh is flowing fast and furious now, this yet another example of a dude setting up women to be responsible for dudely actions). You’re half-dressed and almost naked (and that can only mean the person in question is a slut, amiright?). You might as well be covered in body paint because almost all the subtle curves and details of your body are on display already (and what is wrong with that?). But even women in aerobics exercise classes in the 1980s didn’t usually wear outfits this tight (dear Matthew would know as he has wanked over many 80’s aerobic video’s in his useful stay on earth).
Maybe I also didn’t notice back in the 1980s because I was just a boy and less interested in sex, but there’s still no reason to parade around in public with your genitals on display (oh but there is, the spooooooky miiiiiind controlling yoga-pants!). Normal pants should work just fine. I have run very fast (at top speed) many times in normal sweat pants while exercising, and they never hindered my movement at all. What other reason besides aerodynamics would you have to wear such tight clothing (nothing to do with societal pressures on women to look and act certain ways, it’s almost like performing femininity gets women cookies or something)?
Is it because you’re afraid you might gain weight and you want something that will stretch (fat shame much?)? Well, just buy some pants a couple sizes larger just in case (or pay the money for new pants if/when you gain weight)(mansplaination at its finest) instead of dressing like a whore and creating a sexual distraction (Okay this is totally a theme with Matthew, slutty whores and their magic hypno-pants defeat his brain *all* the time).
I find myself questioning my own conscience (how does one question a moral void?) when I see a woman who makes me want to just rip off what little clothing she has on and use her body for sex (because notes from your boner are totally more important that acknowledging someone’s humanity), because I actually do (believe it or not) have an innate respect for women (Matthew earnestly respects things he’d like to prong! Wow, the depths of that respect.).
I just hate people who tease (of course, teasing is being defined by you). Teasing is lying, and I hate lying. I want the truth (yooou can’t handle the trooooth!! – You’re a douche!) . It’s rude and dishonest when people go around advertising sex (and you know that how?) when in reality they don’t really want sex at all and would probably scream if you even attempted sex with them (women have mouth parts?? and brain parts attached to them?? In some strange alternate dimension I bet you could ask a woman if she wants sexy times or no … !!bzzzzzzzzz – yogapant-mind-domination engaged!! – those slutty bitchez just always askn’ for the peen!!).
Feminists are really delusional and selfish on this issue (as they always are when making the contentious argument that women are people), often trying to make the straw man argument that their bodies don’t belong to men (women’s bodies are not for the consumption of men, despite the historical and societal precedents). Of course your body doesn’t belong to anyone (oh, what this? It resembles a progressive non-douche laden point of view. “Quick! Set yoga-pants to emascula.…*reads next sentence*…never mind.) But your body does attract people. It attracts me (and I think the male body probably attracts women too, so it’s not necessarily sexist) (and it only for your attraction that the women whores do what they do…). That’s how natural, sexual attraction works (maybe in dudeocentric happy-fap-land, but in reality, oh reality my fap-happy friend, it is much, much, different).
We all have a mating instinct (we all naturually have toes and fingernails too, neither toes nor fingers entitle you to treat women as mere objects). (But men ordinarily have enough sense to not wear tight spandex pants that show off their genitals in public (thank you for explaining to women how they should dress based on important notes from your boner), and I’m not attracted to men anyway (because nothing is more scary than teh ghey secks!!), which is why I’m only criticizing women here once again.)
So, how do I reconcile my respect for women (!) with my desire to use this woman’s body for sex like a vicious animal (Sounds like another furious fap session is in order Mr.Pornsick-dude.)? I think maybe there are four types of females (and only one of your type: Doucheus-Maximus), and each brings out a different facet of my personality. There are: girls, women, whores, and teases (complete description of all female archetypes!! Achievement unlocked dude-bro!). I respect girls and women (because they dress and act decently). I respect them as much as they respect themselves. I even respect whores (prostitutes I mean) to a certain extent because they are at least honest and deliver on the sex that they advertise (for a price, but still they deliver).
Wow, if nothing else, Matthew embodies a keen respect of women and their humanity. Just not the slutty prick-teases with their unstoppable-mind controlling yoga pants of Doooooom *reverb*.
Lessons to learn.
1. Women are not responsible for your actions.
2. The judgements from your eye-penis are not valid outside the fap-o-sphere known as your mind.
3. Women are not responsible for your actions.
Finally the concise wisdom of Sinfest to close the post.
Update: A big thanks to John Zande for finding credible support for Matthew’s progressive views on the Womenfolk!
“Two weeks ago a man in France was arrested for raping his daughter. She’d gone to her school counselor and then the police, but they needed “hard evidence.” So, she videotaped her next assault. Her father was eventually arrested. His attorney explained, “There was a period when he was unemployed and in the middle of a divorce. He insists that these acts did not stretch back further than three or four months. His daughter says longer. But everyone should be very careful in what they say.” Because, really, even despite her seeking help, her testimony, her bravery in setting up a webcam to film her father raping her, you really can’t believe what the girl says, can you?
Everyone “knows” this. Even children.
Three years ago, in fly-on-the-wall fashion of parent drivers everywhere, I listened while a 14-year-old girl in the back seat of my car described how angry she was that her parents had stopped allowing her to walk home alone just because a girl in her neighborhood “claimed she was raped.” When I asked her if there was any reason to think the girl’s story was not true, she said, “Girls lie about rape all the time.” She didn’t know the person, she just assumed she was lying…
No one says, “You can’t trust women,” but distrust them we do. College students surveyed revealed that they think up to 50% of their female peers lie when they accuse someone of rape, despite wide-scale evidence and multi-country studies that show the incident of false rape reports to be in the 2%-8% range, pretty much the same as false claims for other crimes. As late as 2003, people jokingly (wink, wink) referred to Philadelphia’s sex crimes unit as “the lying bitch unit.” If an 11-year-old girl told an adult that her father took out a Craigslist ad to find someone to beat and rape her while he watched, as recently actually occurred, what do you think the response would be? Would she need to provide a videotape after the fact?
It goes way beyond sexual assault as well. That’s just the most likely and obvious demonstration of “women are born to lie” myths. Women’s credibility is questioned in the workplace, in courts, by law enforcement, in doctors’ offices, and in our political system. People don’t trust women to be bosses, or pilots, or employees. Pakistan’s controversial Hudood Ordinance still requires a female rape victim to procure four male witnesses to her rape or risk prosecution for adultery. In August, a survey of managers in the United States revealed that they overwhelmingly distrust women who request flextime. It’s notable, of course, that women are trusted to be mothers—the largest pool of undervalued, unpaid, economically crucial labor.
— Soraya Chemaly, How We Teach Our Kids That Women Are Liars ”
*ed. Removed second copy of quotation – Yep, more coffee required.*
The following pictures are truck decals;pictures you would paste on to the back of your truck bed. I assume this is so you can ‘pimp’ your truck in order to share with the world your creepily-violent-asshole-ish nature.
These are actual things in the world. Unfuckingbelievable .
“
Pain is an essential part of the grooming process, and that is not accidental. Plucking the eyebrows, shaving under the arms, wearing a girdle, learning to walk in high-heeled shoes, having one’s nose fixed, straightening or curling one’s hair —these things hurt. The pain, of course, teaches an important lesson: no price is too great, no process too repulsive, no operation too painful for the woman who would be beautiful. The tolerance of pain and the romanticization of that tolerance begins here, in preadolescence, in socialization, and serves to prepare women for lives of childbearing, self-abnegation, and husband-pleasing. The adolescent experience of the “pain of being a woman” casts the feminine psyche into a masochistic mold and forces the adolescent to conform to a self-image which bases itself on mutilation of the body, pain happily suffered, and restricted physical mobility. It creates the masochistic personalities generally found in adult women: subservient, materialistic (since all value is placed on the body and its ornamentation), intellectually restricted, creatively impoverished. It forces women to be a sex of lesser accomplishment, weaker, as underdeveloped as any backward nation. Indeed, the effects of that prescribed relationship between women and their bodies are so extreme, so deep, so extensive, that scarcely any area of human possibility is left untouched by it.”
— Andrea Dworkin, Woman Hating
Like it is hard to find patriarchy on the Internets.
It’s easy to think that the misogyny is just a feature of the those who just don’t know better, or who espouse a certain set of values like the dear followers of the GOP in the US. But no, when you live within a patriarchal system, which we do (and I will repeat this fact forever my MRA friends), the misogyny is everywhere and it touches everybody. Go read the entire article on Rumpus.net, but I excerpt a section here that made me cheer. Thank you KMA Sullivan for writing such a great piece.
“It was exhausting. Exhausting to figure out how to respond to the relentless misogyny from men who are otherwise kind and educated, who would never think of themselves as chauvinist assholes. I have heard more than once from this crew, “Most of my favorite poets are women.” If I were to guess, I’d bet that the lot of them vote pro-choice, support the Violence Against Women Act, and consider women well capable of intelligent, complex thought. I certainly don’t assume that all men under 40 would engage in the kind of language and behavior described above; indeed, I know of many who would never do so. And yet, after the past several weeks, its frequency is far beyond what I thought possible.
What is up with all this dehumanizing language? Honestly, I have no idea. But I do know this. If “good guys” feel perfectly at ease using degrading language that objectifies women when talking not only to one another but also to women they purportedly respect, then the bullshit that came out of the GOP this past election cycle (vaginas that can tell the difference between consensual sex and rape, for example) can be explained. A big pile of reasonably aware and well-intentioned people doing thoughtless shit creates a solid set of stairs for unreasonable, ignorant assholes to say and do what most of us (men and women alike) would deem shockingly destructive.”
bleatmop
Mystro
The Arbourist
Dead Wild Roses 
Your opinions…