“Two weeks ago a man in France was arrested for raping his daughter. She’d gone to her school counselor and then the police, but they needed “hard evidence.” So, she videotaped her next assault. Her father was eventually arrested. His attorney explained, “There was a period when he was unemployed and in the middle of a divorce. He insists that these acts did not stretch back further than three or four months. His daughter says longer. But everyone should be very careful in what they say.” Because, really, even despite her seeking help, her testimony, her bravery in setting up a webcam to film her father raping her, you really can’t believe what the girl says, can you?
Everyone “knows” this. Even children.
Three years ago, in fly-on-the-wall fashion of parent drivers everywhere, I listened while a 14-year-old girl in the back seat of my car described how angry she was that her parents had stopped allowing her to walk home alone just because a girl in her neighborhood “claimed she was raped.” When I asked her if there was any reason to think the girl’s story was not true, she said, “Girls lie about rape all the time.” She didn’t know the person, she just assumed she was lying…
No one says, “You can’t trust women,” but distrust them we do. College students surveyed revealed that they think up to 50% of their female peers lie when they accuse someone of rape, despite wide-scale evidence and multi-country studies that show the incident of false rape reports to be in the 2%-8% range, pretty much the same as false claims for other crimes. As late as 2003, people jokingly (wink, wink) referred to Philadelphia’s sex crimes unit as “the lying bitch unit.” If an 11-year-old girl told an adult that her father took out a Craigslist ad to find someone to beat and rape her while he watched, as recently actually occurred, what do you think the response would be? Would she need to provide a videotape after the fact?
It goes way beyond sexual assault as well. That’s just the most likely and obvious demonstration of “women are born to lie” myths. Women’s credibility is questioned in the workplace, in courts, by law enforcement, in doctors’ offices, and in our political system. People don’t trust women to be bosses, or pilots, or employees. Pakistan’s controversial Hudood Ordinance still requires a female rape victim to procure four male witnesses to her rape or risk prosecution for adultery. In August, a survey of managers in the United States revealed that they overwhelmingly distrust women who request flextime. It’s notable, of course, that women are trusted to be mothers—the largest pool of undervalued, unpaid, economically crucial labor.
— Soraya Chemaly, How We Teach Our Kids That Women Are Liars ”
*ed. Removed second copy of quotation – Yep, more coffee required.*




10 comments
December 11, 2013 at 2:48 pm
syrbal-labrys
When my daughter was 13, a neighbor boy and his two pals, seeing me leave in the car came and tried to kick the door open to our house. The door held, tho’ wood was splintered; but the back door was unlocked and they entered and wrestled her to the mattress of a reading nook. She did what I told her and kicked two of them in the balls. They ran when their ‘outside man’…sister of one of them, alerted them to me driving back into the road. We called the cops, the fat ugly cop said to me “You know these teen girls, they are all whores. The boys said they were invited in for a smoke.” (Mind you…all were minors, that would have been illegal if not merely absurd in a house with NO smokers.) If my husband had not immediately locked me in his arms, that fat sexist bastard would have been seriously damaged.
No charges were pressed, the three ‘he saids’ blanked out her voice. Our complaints were for naught. “No evidence” we were told. I know you don’t go for the ooky spooky….but I cursed the three of them. In a year’s time, one was dead, one in a wheelchair and the other–the neighbor? His life has been one near-fatal accident after another and he lives in an assisted living arrangement.
I would have preferred jail time. But hey…
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December 19, 2013 at 10:15 pm
Matthew Chiglinsky
What I want to know is why that chronic rape victim didn’t pick up a weapon and defend herself instead of just lying there like a weak, helpless victim and videotaping even more abuse just so that she could go complain to the government later. Why is it always about having the rapist arrested? It’s too late once he’s arrested. The crime has already happened.
Hit him! Where are your animal survival instincts? If women actually physically fought back against their rapists then the rape might not happen in the first place, and their dignity would still be intact. Why do you just lie there? Why don’t you elbow the guy in the stomach, kick him in the balls, punch him in the face, and then run away?
On false rape reports, I think the trouble with them might be the embarrassment of casual sex. I’ve heard that some women feel humiliated after having casual (but consensual) sex with someone they don’t know really well. Maybe he was aggressive, but she went along with it. She didn’t say “No.”, but later she regrets it. If it was a long-term relationship (like marriage), there should have been much better communication and trust. This is another reason why sexual promiscuity is a bad idea.
On lying in general, I’ve never thought that women lie more than men. I just think people in general are sometimes not honest enough.
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December 19, 2013 at 10:21 pm
Matthew Chiglinsky
Also, I think people find it hard to believe that a parent would rape his/her own child. Reverse it. If a boy said his own mother forcibly performed oral sex on him, would you believe him? It’s creepy and incestuous. What kind of insane parent would do that to a child?
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December 20, 2013 at 9:32 am
The Intransigent One
Yeah, cuz a teenage girl with what, a kitchen knife, can totally fight off a grown man. And if she has to significantly harm said grown man to escape, everybody will believe her when she says he was trying to rape her. And if she escapes once, he’ll never try it again, and it certainly won’t get any worse for her.
You victim-blaming, deliberately ignorant, disingenuous, indecent and inhumane doucheweasel.
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December 20, 2013 at 10:18 am
Mystro
@ The Intransigent One
“You victim-blaming, deliberately ignorant, disingenuous, indecent and inhumane doucheweasel.”
I was at a loss on how to appropriately respond to the MC’s comments, but I think you nailed it. Thanks.
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December 20, 2013 at 11:36 am
The Intransigent One
Why thank you! I may be on fire today.
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January 11, 2014 at 7:45 pm
Bastet
Even motherhood isnt trusted. Blame towards mothers is rampant.
It starts with pregnancy. ‘How do you know it’s yours, dude’. ‘She obviously tricked him into it’. ‘Women get to choose’. ‘Unmarried mother! How sinful’. ‘Teen pregnancy.’ All talk is centred squarely and solely on girls.
Then, the new mum is under constant criticism with conflicting information and every tiny detail is deemed ‘wrong’ or ‘not good enough’.
If she’s a solo parent, it’s her fault. If she was married and it was unplanned its her fault. If her husband leaves its her fault. If she works to support her child/ren she’s not there for them. If she doesn’t work she’s setting a bad example. If she’s poor, ‘can’t afford em, don’t have em’. Heaven forbid she’s on welfare.
Trusted to raise kids? I’d argue, no. Expected to raise kids under a constant barrage of criticism and blame, yes.
In fact, I’d give that definition to all the low paid (underpaid) and unpaid work.
Please don’t take that as a criticism of your blog. I read it coz I agree with much of it and simply wish to add to it.
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January 11, 2014 at 8:05 pm
Bastet
Oh, Mathew,
After you’ve been attacked by a person twice your size and strength, please do come back and enlighten us all on how you dealt with that.
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January 12, 2014 at 8:09 am
The Arbourist
@Bastet
We welcome criticism here at DWR :) Keeps us on our toes.
Agreed. Sounds reasonable to me.
It is symptomatic of what is called ‘women’s work”. It is systematically debased, marginalized and dismissed from the patriarchal point of view.
When did teaching become an underpaid, undervalued profession – only when women entered the field. See nursing for a similar phenomena. This is all of course, on top of unequal reparations for equal work plus the usual expectations society places on women.
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January 12, 2014 at 8:19 am
The Arbourist
@Bastet
Matthew won’t be back for awhile as he has managed to wear out his welcome here. Matthew tends to avoid/ignore contrary evidence, and impertinently mansplain his opinions on how the world works and how, magically, it always the best option.
Also, you are asking Matthew to exercise empathy and understanding toward another whose experiences are not like his. As demonstrated here, those are tasks quite beyond the scope of his expertise.
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