“When I was about 20 years old, I met an old pastor’s wife who told me that when she was young and had her first child, she didn’t believe in striking children, although spanking kids with a switch pulled from a tree was standard punishment at the time. But one day, when her son was four or five, he did something that she felt warranted a spanking–the first in his life. She told him that he would have to go outside himself and find a switch for her to hit him with.
The boy was gone a long time. And when he came back in, he was crying. He said to her, “Mama, I couldn’t find a switch, but here’s a rock that you can throw at me.”
All of a sudden the mother understood how the situation felt from the child’s point of view: that if my mother wants to hurt me, then it makes no difference what she does it with; she might as well do it with a stone.
And the mother took the boy into her lap and they both cried. Then she laid the rock on a shelf in the kitchen to remind herself forever: never violence. And that is something I think everyone should keep in mind. Because if violence begins in the nursery one can raise children into violence”
— Astrid Lindgren, author of Pippi Longstocking, 1978 Peace Prize Acceptance Speech
Violence and child rearing should never intermingle. With the understanding we have of the correlations of violence at an early age with future behaviour, there are no excuses for beating your child. Not one.




6 comments
December 18, 2013 at 6:48 am
john zande
Damn, i think that kid is SMART!
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December 18, 2013 at 11:48 am
bodycrimes
Great piece.
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December 18, 2013 at 12:01 pm
bleatmop
This is pretty much exactly how my wife and I feel. Violence would not teach our daughter that what she did was wrong, all it would do is teach her to be afraid of us and that violence is acceptable. She would soon learn that she could still do whatever she wanted, just so long as we don’t find out. Our approach has always been though talk therapy, explaining what is wrong. Occasionally she needs a time out to calm down first, but then we always talk to her after. To date is has worked pretty well. She’s not perfectly behaved, but I don’t know any kids that are.
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December 18, 2013 at 1:57 pm
VR Kaine
“She would soon learn that she could still do whatever she wanted, just so long as we don’t find out.”
So true.
Does this mean we still can’t smack other peoples’ kids upside the head, though, if they’re behaving poorly?! There were a few at the mall the other day that could have used a cuff or two!
Kidding. Honestly, I’d rather smack the parents. A scene I just witnessed yesterday:
4yr old kid gets told NOT to climb on the chair, and to leave what’s on the table alone. Kid says “No, I want to!” and climbs up anyways. Pulls a paper which pulls a full glass off the table. Kid freaks out at the smashing glass, dad catches him, verbally scolds him. Kid starts to cry, runs away, then suddenly turns on the dad, hitting him and screaming at him. Dad says, “Calm down”, kid won’t, so then Dad says, “Let’s have some ice cream” and pulls treats out of the freezer. Kid puts on an instant smile and runs away.
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December 18, 2013 at 8:14 pm
Matthew Chiglinsky
I don’t get that woman’s sick and twisted logic. Forcing the child to choose his/her own implement of destruction seems even more sadistic than simply spanking him/her and getting the pain over with quickly.
My mom hit me with a belt for the first few years of my life. I don’t know what effect it had on me, but I never really resented her for it, and I’m not a violent person.
She also breastfed me. That could have been a counterbalancing factor. Her breasts were soft, warm, and kind.
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December 19, 2013 at 12:55 am
bleatmop
Vern!
I have to say I really resent people who are poor parents. Rewarding your child for blatant disobedience is just wrong. Were that me it would have been home time immediately, not time for ice cream. I do agree it was the father that needed the smack though. His lazy parenting is creating a monster.
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