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Why need feminism so darned much.
Add i believe you, it’s not your fault to your bookmarks, your blog, your whatever. It is too important not to.
The Best Revenge is Living a Good Life. (TW Rape, Child Abuse)
I am the only female child in my family of four children and I am the youngest. When people hear that, they often think of me as the spoiled little princess child. Nothing could be further from the truth.
I was sexually abused by two of my brothers and, eventually, my father as well. My abused started when I was young. Five or six, I can’t remember exactly. It started with molestation and without my saying no because I was little and I believed my brothers would never hurt me. But they did. Repeatedly. Night after night. Day after day. Things progressed to become more violent when I started saying no. Until one day, after I got home from school when I was 13, my brother raped me. Not the violent act most picture in their minds when they hear the word rape. By this time, I had become numb and would typically “zone out” when the abuse was happening.
My life changed that day. I became pregnant from the one incidence of rape. I am that statistic. I was young and didn’t have regular periods so I didn’t realize I was pregnant until my mother saw stretchmarks on my breasts.
You may wonder, “Where was your mother when all this was happening? Why didn’t you tell your mother?” I suppose deep down, I knew my mother would never “save” me. Her response to the fact that I was pregnant, by my brother, from rape, was to go into another room and cry hysterically while screaming, “My baby!” over and over again though never once coming to “her baby” to console me.
My father arranged for an abortion. I was in my second trimester at this point and had to go to a hospital for the procedure. When my parents “discovered” what my brothers had been doing, they kicked them out of our house. And then my father started waking me up for school in the mornings. He began molesting me.
I contacted Child Protective Services on my own behalf. I was placed in the first of two foster homes. My mother came to see me and, weeping, asked me, “How could you do this to our family?” Eventually, “we” went to trial and…eventually my father admitted his guilt. My brothers were never charged. “We” were sentenced to family counseling and I was told I would be placed in juvenile hall if I did not participate. Fourteen months later, the counselor proclaimed us “healed” and I was placed back into my parents custody. Yes, my father began molesting me again.
But the good news is, I grew older. I eventually moved away from their home. I got married. Got pregnant…
My life changed again. I became the mother to a little tiny princess. Four years later I was blessed with another tiny princess. Both beautiful and strong and everything my heart ever needed to heal. I was still in contact with my family at this point. Then the mother tiger in me was awakened. I had a birthday party for my oldest. I left the party for a few brief moments to get something I had forgotten. When I came back home, the birthday girl was nowhere to be seen. I asked my husband where she was and he said, “She’s in the backyard with your dad.” (Yes, my husband knew about what had happened to me.) I can’t even describe the utter horror, the panic, the fear that coursed through my veins. I found her in the backyard. She was fine. Nothing had happened but the guilt of exposing her to what I knew in my soul was a potential high risk changed me. I cut all ties with my family.
I tried for a while to keep in contact with my mother. Until the day my mother said to me on the phone, “When are you going to get over it?” This conversation took place 15 years ago and I can still hear the words as if they are still floating in the air. My response that day and still is… “How about never?”
This tragic tale may make you feel sorry for me or make it appear that my life has been horrible. I’m here today to share the tragedy but to also share the wonderful life I am living. Never forget, “THE BEST REVENGE IS LIVING A GOOD LIFE.” I am the mother of two gorgeous human beings who humble me and make me proud everyday. I have a fabulous job. I own my own home. I have three dogs who love me unconditionally. I am attending school while working. I go to concerts all the time. I go to the beach. I have a life that many of my friends envy and I know why they do! My happiness overruns constantly. I have a great life.
You will too. Live a good life. Smile. Laugh. Engage in the positive that is out there. Never ever ever feel that the sickness that hurt you defines who you are. You are a blessed child of this Universe and you were made for love. You were made for happiness. Seek it as often as you seek nourishment for your body. Don’t forget to nourish your soul.
I believe you.
It’s not your fault.
It was never your fault.
Love,
Leen
Domestic violence. Not acceptable, not ever.
“TW DOMESTIC ABUSE ——When [an abusive man] tells me that he became abusive because he lost control of himself, I ask him why he didn’t do something even worse. For example, I might say, “You called her a fucking whore, you grabbed the phone out of her hand and whipped it across the room, and then you gave her a shove and she fell down. There she was at your feet where it would have been easy to kick her in the head. Now, you have just finished telling me that you were ‘totally out of control’ at that time, but you didn’t kick her. What stopped you?” And the client can always give me a reason. Here are some common explanations:“I wouldn’t want to cause her a serious injury.”
“I realized one of the children was watching.”
“I was afraid someone would call the police.”
“I could kill her if I did that.”
“The fight was getting loud, and I was afraid the neighbors would hear.”And the most frequent response of all:“Jesus, I wouldn’t do that. I would never do something like that to her.”
The response that I almost never heard — I remember hearing it twice in the fifteen years — was: “I don’t know.”
These ready answers strip the cover off of my clients’ loss of control excuse. While a man is on an abusive rampage, verbally or physically, his mind maintains awareness of a number of questions: “Am I doing something that other people could find out about, so it could make me look bad? Am I doing anything that could get me in legal trouble? Could I get hurt myself? Am I doing anything that I myself consider too cruel, gross, or violent?”
A critical insight seeped into me from working with my first few dozen clients: An abuser almost never does anything that he himself considers morally unacceptable. He may hide what he does because he thinks other people would disagree with it, but he feels justified inside. I can’t remember a client ever having said to me: “There’s no way I can defend what I did. It was just totally wrong.” He invariably has a reason that he considers good enough. In short, an abuser’s core problem is that he has a distorted sense of right and wrong.
I sometimes ask my clients the following question: “How many of you have ever felt angry enough at youer mother to get the urge to call her a bitch?” Typically half or more of the group members raise their hands. Then I ask, “How many of you have ever acted on that urge?” All the hands fly down, and the men cast appalled gazes on me, as if I had just asked whether they sell drugs outside elementary schools. So then I ask, “Well, why haven’t you?” The same answer shoots out from the men each time I do this exercise: “But you can’t treat your mother like that, no matter how angry you are! You just don’t do that!”
The unspoken remainder of this statement, which we can fill in for my clients, is: “But you can treat your wife or girlfriend like that, as long as you have a good enough reason. That’s different.” In other words, the abuser’s problem lies above all in his belief that controlling or abusing his female partner is justifiable….”
—Lundy Bancroft, Why Does He Do That? Inside the Minds of Angry and Controlling Men
Another day, another religious scandal. The unctuous Catholic Church continues to devolve and show it true colours as the amoral cesspool they call a clergy is now very sorry for raping and abusing thousands of children in Ireland since 2005.
Did someone just say 'alter boy'?
“Pope Benedict XVI has released a letter apologizing for years of physical and sexual abuse suffered by Irish children at the hands of priests.
“Your trust has been betrayed and your dignity has been violated,” the Pope told victims. “I am truly sorry. I know that nothing can undo the wrong you have endured.”
The Pope said he felt “shame and remorse” over what the victims have endured and praised their courage in speaking out about their abuse. He also acknowledged that in many cases, no one listened to their complaints.
“You have suffered grievously and I am truly sorry,” he said.
It seems like institutionalized rape and abuse is a-okay -of course until the shamed victims shed their fear and call you on your atrocious record.
Religion needs to go away. Christopher Hitchens, writing at Slate, does his usual excellent job at dismantling particular story, more so than I could at the moment, so enjoy his smack down of the this particularly evil religious moment.
bleatmop
Mystro
Dead Wild Roses 
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