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Justice will be served?
He’s a Fundie, with a BADGE! That’s right folks, newly appointed Winnipeg police chief Devon Clunis is gonna clean up the streets….with prayer! Hallelujah Sweet Jebus, we gonna fill some murderous hearts with love tonight, just by whispering sweet nothings into the ear of our collective imaginary friend, AMEN!
You know, I spend a good deal of my time reading about how religion poisons and destroys lives all across the globe, all across history, but I admit I’ve always felt a little shielded here in Canada. Sure, Alberta sometimes seems like the ‘Texas of Canada’, but that ‘of Canada’ bit reigns in a substantial amount of theistic lunacy.
Sure, we have some obstacles to overcome to become a truly progressive society, but this is Canada, goddamit! We got that separation of church and state thing going strong! We aren’t like those backward United States! Faith isn’t paraded like a virtue by those in public office! Civil servants keep their faiths hidden where they belong and … and … who the fuck is this guy? A police chief promoting prayer? Really? REALLY? IN MY COUNTRY?
Ok, ok. Calm down. Let’s deal with this like cool collected intellectual people, and tear this guy a new one.
Rationally speaking, of course. Read the rest of this entry »
*In the style of the most stereotypical evangelical sermon voice you can imagine
**congregation responses in red
Brothers and Sisters! As I was perusing the web the other day, I heard a disturbing sound!
*Amen
I SAID As I was perusing the web the other day, I HEARD a DISTURBING sound!
*AMEN!
It was the sound of a THOUSAND “believers” promoting the power of PRAY-YER!
*Have Mercy!
The power of prayer? Never before have I heard such a hay-EEN-ous notion!
*Yes, Reverend!
Do they not KNOW God is eternal?
*Hallelujah!
Do they not KNOW the Almighty is ALLLL-Knowing?
*Tell it!
Do they not know that there is a MA-ster plan, greater than the summation of ALL mortal desires and understanding?
*I can feel it, Lord!
You see Brothers and Sisters, –pass the plate around– God has a plan, and as it is God’s plan, it is the greatest plan. And as it is the greatest plan, it stands that any other plan must be lesser, worse, sinful, and unacceptable to the perfect grace that is our Lord!
People promoting the power of prayer do not accept this. They think that God is some wishy-washy, uncertain, fallible, dough-head, just like themselves.
They think that God, upon hearing a prayer will say “Y’know, I did have my Divine plan that took into consideration ever fact, event, and possibility in the natural and supernatural universe, but that Steve from Delburne just prayed and suggested I do things differently. A good thing too. I was so sure I was right, but now that Steve has prayed to me, I can see that his way is better than Mine. I will now alter My plan, that I’ve had for all of eternity and perfected to a degree beyond human comprehension, to more line up with the wishes of Steve.”
What arrogance!
*mmm-Hmmm!
What Hubris!
*Amen!
What Shim-shaming Flimflammery!
*Hallelujah!
I can imagine NO greater SIN than to put yourself above All Glorious and Estimably Hallowed God, thinking that YOUR plans should supersede His. Same goes for “Blessing” things too, or any other request of God, whatever! To think we know better than God how much Grace ought to be dispensed to this, that, and whomever. This BLASPHEMOUS notion that us wretched and insignificant beings could come up with a better plan than God defies all manner of humility, decency, and logical consistency. For Shame!
*Disapproving murmur
These Peddlers of Prayer go on to say that it is a method with which to communicate with God. Communicate with God? What can a finite being possibly tell an entity that knows absolutely everything?
Absolutely nothing, that’s what!
Anything you will ever think or do, God knew you were going to think it and do it before Time began, and you think you need to show or tell God things? HE KNOWS!
What can we take from all this, Brothers and Sisters? Everything out of your control is a part of God’s great plan. If your stocks go bust and you become destitute, Rejoice! 
for God knows it is the best thing that can possibly happen to you. If your loved ones get severely ill and start throwing up buckets of blood, Celebrate! for God’s plan must be the best possible plan. If your child is kidnapped, tortured, and raped, be thankful that your offspring got to be such an important part of God’s awesome plan.
Praying for answers, advice, or changes just shows that you are unwilling to accept the perfectness of God’s divine plan.
A divine plan, by the way, which is meant to be delivered to you via me, but me, being a finite sole myself, requires funds.
So, Brothers and Sisters, stop praying, and start giving me money. It’s God’s Plan!
Halleluja!
*AMEN, Take my money, please!
My apologies for a video heavy week, but…
bleatmop
Mystro
The Arbourist
Dead Wild Roses 
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