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There was a time when religion commissioned great and wondrous art. Awe-inspiring cathedrals were built by the most grand and innovative architects. Beautiful music for masses were composed by the greatest musical minds in history. Religious paintings were created with skills and passion that have yet to be matched, even hundreds of years later. Art was the bright silver lining to the otherwise horrifying and cataclysmic storm cloud of religion. However, that was long ago and that silver lining has since been swallowed up by the black abyss. All that is left is a shit-storm of horribly lame, morally reprehensible, and just plain awful media that is christian pop culture.

The religious will rip off and bastardize anything in order to push their message, with no regard for or understanding of the source material. Whether it be a nauseatingly horrendous christian rock band or an offensively clueless rally video, only one thing is clear. There is no limit to how objectively bad something is, as long as a church can get behind the message.

For your consideration I present two new low points. Be warned. These are so very terrible that I was convinced they were fake at first. Please do not eat for 30 minutes before or after watching these. Your stomach may not be able to handle it.

First we have a trailer for an upcoming Romantic Comedy. The trailer shows neither comedy nor romance, instead it focuses on a cameo by Mike Huckabee  talking about legislating anti-abortion laws. The Friendly Atheist has written up a few more details if you’re interested.


Just in case you still have your lunch down, I’ve saved the worst for last. Imagine the most awkward, desperate to be considered ‘cool’ by the kiddies, palm-through-the-face-into-the-back-of-your-skull bad PSA you’ve ever seen. Increase the uncomfortable embarrassment by a couple orders of magnitude. Multiply it by some unbelievable cultural insensitivity, then again by a massive helping of asinine theistic delusion. It should give you something wrong on so many levels, that it may have gone fractally wrong. Something like this:

 

 

I think the worst part is I want to have hope. I’d like to think that, given the right circumstances, people could see their religion for the hoax that it is. That their blinders could be removed and the atrocities in the name of religion would stop. But if they are so far gone as to think putrid ass gravy like this can pass as entertainment, I don’t think that hope has a chance.

‘Nuff said.

Wow.  Just highlighting doctrinal christian stupidity.  I don’t have the words for this one.

christianbigotry    Religion inspires hatred.

Anyone proclaiming they are chosen ones, or are better than someone else because of pious qualities x,y,z are almost always horribly unethical people.  Case in point the recent frenzy in the United States featuring devout followers of Christ insulting wait staff with homophobic slurs and not tipping them because it ‘goes against god’.  But it is always best to let the bigots speak for themselves.  First an incident in New Jersey:

When Morales introduced herself to the couple and their two children, the mother was allegedly shocked by Morales’ short hair.

“Oh I thought you were gonna say your name is Dan,” she allegedly said. “You sure surprised us!”

At the end of the meal, Morales was left with no tip on the $93.55 bill. Instead, she found a note on the receipt, reading: “I’m sorry but I cannot tip because I don’t agree with your lifestyle & how you live your life.”

Wow.  I’ll let Morales speak for herself in reply to this discrimination. 

“I am THOROUGHLY offended mad pissed off and hurt that THIS is what her kids will grow up learning and that I served in the Marines to keep ignorant people like them free. Sorry lady but I don’t agree with YOUR lifestyle and the way you’re raising your kids but you didn’t see me throwing that in your face and giving you shitty service. Keep your damn mouth shut and pray we never cross paths again.”

   Let’s get this out of way now – the sexual preferences and orientation of your server has exactly zero to do with the quality of service they provide for you.  The problem as illustrated lies entirely within the framework of the person being the asshat.   Oh, and are you seeing the love that christians constantly knacker on about any here. 

No? 

I only see prejudice, fear and bigotry’ the usual unholy trifecta “ethical religious behaviour”.  

A popular Italian eatery in Kansas where a server received this charming note on the bill:

“Thank you for your service, it was excellent. That being said, we cannot in good conscience tip you, for your homosexual lifestyle is an affront to GOD. Queers do not share in the wealth of GOD, and you will not share in ours. We hope you will see the tip your fag choices made you lose out on, and plan accordingly. It is never too late for GOD’S love, but none shall be spared for fags. May GOD have mercy on you.”

Thank you religion for keeping one of the strongest sources of ingroup/outgroup trauma alive and well in the 21st century.  This is the kind of repugnant thinking that grows out of following bronze-age mythology.  The sanctimonious hatred and fear that would prompt someone to write this to their server speaks volumes on how the ethics of religion stack up to modern moral interpretation.

As in, not at fracking all.

Oh sure, I’m generalizing but generalizing correctly.  There is no need to look farther than the Republican Party of the United States and the piously-twisted shit that they (the christian right) are proposing on almost a daily basis in the US Congress.  Hatred of women, the poor, people who are not white, and not straight are regular targets the christian hate machine.

This undulating wave of vicious hatred  spews forth from the same people who like to say “god is love” and if we just let christ into our hearts we can find salvation.

Fuck your god, fuck your christ and a double fuck to your “salvation”.

Sideways.

The treatment of the innocent service staff in restaurants makes me angry you feeble-minded, bigoted, christian fucks.  Anyone with the smallest shred of ethical fiber can see the grievous harm your ass-clam of a religion brings into the world and would rightly condemn it for being an insidious, retrograde movement, that is making the world a shittier place to live in.

   

 

It’s a simple test really, the omnipotent god of the universe who cherishes us so should use her mighty powers to have a limb regrow.  Easy right?

But then again, miracles only happened 2000 years ago(ish) so we are fresh out luck.

 

*In the style of the most stereotypical evangelical sermon voice you can imagine
**congregation responses in red

Brothers and Sisters! As I was perusing the web the other day, I heard a disturbing sound!

*Amen

I SAID As I was perusing the web the other day, I HEARD a DISTURBING sound!

*AMEN!

It was the sound of a THOUSAND “believers” promoting the power of PRAY-YER!

*Have Mercy!

The power of prayer? Never before have I heard such a hay-EEN-ous notion!

*Yes, Reverend!

Do they not KNOW God is eternal?

*Hallelujah!

Do they not KNOW the Almighty is ALLLL-Knowing?

*Tell it!

Do they not know that there is a MA-ster plan, greater than the summation of ALL mortal desires and understanding?

*I can feel it, Lord!

You see Brothers and Sisters, –pass the plate around– God has a plan, and as it is God’s plan, it is the greatest plan. And as it is the greatest plan, it stands that any other plan must be lesser, worse, sinful, and unacceptable to the perfect grace that is our Lord!

People promoting the power of prayer do not accept this. They think that God is some wishy-washy, uncertain, fallible, dough-head, just like themselves.
They think that God, upon hearing a prayer will say “Y’know, I did have my Divine plan that took into consideration ever fact, event, and possibility in the natural and supernatural universe, but that Steve from Delburne just prayed and suggested I do things differently. A good thing too. I was so sure I was right, but now that Steve has prayed to me, I can see that his way is better than Mine. I will now alter My plan, that I’ve had for all of eternity and perfected to a degree beyond human comprehension, to more line up with the wishes of Steve.”

What arrogance!

*mmm-Hmmm!

What Hubris!

*Amen!

What Shim-shaming Flimflammery!

*Hallelujah!

I can imagine NO greater SIN than to put yourself above All Glorious and Estimably Hallowed God, thinking that YOUR plans should supersede His. Same goes for “Blessing” things too, or any other request of God, whatever! To think we know better than God how much Grace ought to be dispensed to this, that, and whomever. This BLASPHEMOUS  notion that us wretched and insignificant beings could come up with a better plan than God defies all manner of humility, decency, and logical consistency. For Shame!

*Disapproving murmur

These Peddlers of Prayer go on to say that it is a method with which to communicate with God. Communicate with God? What can a finite being possibly tell an entity that knows absolutely everything?

Absolutely nothing, that’s what!

Anything you will ever think or do, God knew you were going to think it and do it before Time began, and you think you need to show or tell God things? HE KNOWS!

What can we take from all this, Brothers and Sisters? Everything out of your control is a part of God’s great plan. If your stocks go bust and you become destitute, Rejoice! for God knows it is the best thing that can possibly happen to you. If your loved ones get severely ill and start throwing up buckets of blood, Celebrate! for God’s plan must be the best possible plan. If your child is kidnapped, tortured, and raped, be thankful that your offspring got to be such an important part of God’s awesome plan.

Praying for answers, advice, or changes just shows that you are unwilling to accept the perfectness of God’s divine plan.

A divine plan, by the way, which is meant to be delivered to you via me, but me, being a finite sole myself, requires funds.

So, Brothers and Sisters, stop praying, and start giving me money. It’s God’s Plan!
Halleluja!

*AMEN, Take my money, please!

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