Having recently gotten into a discussion about the misnamed “Gender Affirming Care” with some of my acquaintances we broached many contentious topics but one point that stuck out was when we got into pronoun territory.
My interlocutor was brought up the idea that the shortening of names – like Stan for Stanley – was a preference and that people were just being polite by referring to the individual as they would like to be referred to.
I stumbled a bit on proposing a counter argument for this point – in hindsight it is fairly straightforward to construct a response.
If a person insists on calling a self proclaimed “Stan”, “Stanley” it might indeed be considered a bit offensive. So how is this different that using she/her pronouns for a male who is under the false notion that he is female?
Well, Stan and Stanly are both terms that are technically correct for the person in question. Is it inconsiderate to ignore their wishes, yes certainly, but here in this free society we don’t have to associate with people who we judge are inconsiderate toward us.
The male expecting people to use “she/her” when to referring to him is a completely different case. Pronouns and preferred names are not in the same category of linguistic use. In English pronouns are sexed, thus males are attributed he/him and females are attributed she/her.
If you hold a set of beliefs that do not comport with reality – that is a male believing that he is somehow a woman (adult human female) – that is perfectly fine. Your personal belief about your reality are of no concern to anyone else in society.
The expectation though of people outside your gender delusion to play along with and be party to your departure from the material reality we all share is not acceptable, especially if you are a person that sees the harm Gender Ideology does to women and society.
Thus, the argument of using a preferred name vs. a pronoun is distinctly a false equivalence as in the first case two real descriptors that accurately represent reality are being offered. In the second case using the “wrong” pronouns is a decision to comport with reality or the decision to ignore the evidence your senses are reporting and submit to someone else’s interpretation of reality – no one is obliged to do so.
Both cases associated with someone is who you perceive to be offensive is not usually not a mandatory experience. Occasionally being offended in society is a part of life and one must learn to deal with it.
Compelling the speech of others is a distinctly authoritarian notion and should not be encouraged in a society that values freedom of thought and expression.
bleatmop
Mystro
Dead Wild Roses 
3 comments
March 25, 2024 at 7:46 am
tildeb
Another way to understand why mandatory pronoun use is compelled speech (not ‘kind’ to compel others) is to understand that pronouns are 3rd person references. In other words, the person being referred to isn’t even in the room! Yet by making their pronoun references known, that person doesn’t give a shit about your right to speak as you choose but thinks highly enough of his/her own ‘rights’ that yours should be submerged in order to promote theirs! And this done under the wrong category, saying it is only ‘respectful’ to do so! Well, it’s not because it first ‘disrespects’ your right to determine to whom you are referring and compels you to go along with ‘respecting’ this one-sided ruling by some self-appointed language police. Either asking for or going along with some preferred pronoun use is, in fact, disrespecting one’s self because it undermines the equivalent respect needed for respecting equality of rights (shared rights). That’s why it’s authoritarian.
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March 25, 2024 at 8:40 am
lungta mtn
my prefered pronouns are it and that
not for me tho
more like
what is it? What is that?
It is a tv game like jeopardy with dr. Goggle being the judge
somehow your pronouns are a waste of my memory
I don’t really need to ascertain the sex of the cat to feed it or scare it away, stick to business.
I like the native way
If Little Stick didn’t like his name
He became Not likes to be called Little Stick.
and that stuff you always remember
I am glad I found here , you can be a li’l politically incorrect and not get banned. Or I might be wrong.
and for cripes sake
if you are in my life and offended
please be offended enough to
just go away
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March 25, 2024 at 10:50 am
Steve Ruis
Re “If a person insists on calling a self proclaimed “Stan”, “Stanley” it might indeed be considered a bit offensive.”
Wait, don’t our mothers use our full names when we are in trouble? I ain’t calling no one’s Momma offensive!
I have commented before that if I were still in the classroom, I would have to use people’s names exclusively. I struggled to learn all of those names, with a new batch coming every semester. Having to learn those names and a set of “preferred” pronouns for each would not be possible, so all pronouns are now out the window, which is ironic as pronouns were invented so as to not have to use people’s full names when referring to them.
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