But gosh and wow, all at once. There is a sociology paper to be written about this phenomena, the great mystery of why… oh why… ‘nice guys’ cannot get with women. Actually wait, it needs to be feminist paper…or actually a feminist sentence.
If women aren’t into you it is because they see something they don’t like about you.
There is nothing after that. No friend zone BS, no nice guys finish last BS, no projecting of insecurities BS. If you’re having problems with forming a relationship with women it is most likely because you are a douche-cake and have not taken steps to rectify the situation. The Tumblr called “nice guys of Okcupid” [ed. The tumblr was shutdown, I have no idea when or if it will back up// Online with new ownership] provides evidence of this phenomena. Pay special attention to the misogyny, racism and homophobia (no idea why these gems of people are not being snapped up, gals lets get in there!).
bleatmop
The Intransigent One
Mystro
The Arbourist
14 comments
January 4, 2013 at 10:29 am
feimineach
So glad there’s a site to call these people out. I can’t stand this so-called “nice guy” nonsense.
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January 4, 2013 at 12:02 pm
Reneta Scian
I know men out there who are wonderful, but what’s funny about these guys verses those “nice guys” is that they actually know why women aren’t attracted to them. They have realistic self appraisals, and you know what? They actually do get dates, and the women in their life in other faculties love them, and know the kind of men they are. And guess what else? They usually don’t tell you they are a nice guy, they just say their name and share their experience with you. A lot of people in our culture because of reasons beyond their control get crapped on, short men, less attractive men, et cetera.
But there is an unparalleled arrogance I see in men who “claim” to be “nice guys”. And that is that they all have some fucked up, misogynistic, narrow minded precept about women. They either want some dolled up arm decoration, or just judge women about everything from their looks, to their bodies, to their sex lives and all done so with not an ounce of respect for women as a human being. Or at least not as a full, autonomous and complete human being. I find it just a little bit ironic how truly respectful men don’t call themselves nice guys, and the ones like the above who aren’t do?
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January 4, 2013 at 2:17 pm
bleatmop
Long long ago in a city far far away one of my good friends introduced me to my future wife as a “really nice guy”. Fortunately she gave me a chance anyway and saw that I was just a normal guy that was nice.
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January 4, 2013 at 3:20 pm
Reneta Scian
[@bleatmop]
Being introduced by others, especially if it were by a woman, is usually more than acceptable. It still counts as not being you stating it in incompetency when it comes to self appraisal. And also, congratulations on finding someone wonderful to spend your life with. These days finding deep and committed (not needed to also be committed) relationships is not as common as it would seem. This nice guy phenomenon is also a part of sexism overall in the way it stunts men in their ability to be competent, reinforces the misogynistic status quo, and stunts self-reflection (a skill which act to aide competency. The think they are “Nice guys” because they make a half-assed effort (or just more effort than their male peers) at not being a misogynistic prick while still having the keynote underlying misogyny. Nice guys are part of that whole “Overton Window” affect in which discrimination is viewed socially. It’s usually also these men to declare that we are “post-feminism” or attack female bloggers accusing them of being “man-hating whiners”.
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January 4, 2013 at 3:22 pm
Reneta Scian
I inserted a “though” I forgot to delete there.
[ed: taken care of. :)]
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January 4, 2013 at 3:28 pm
Reneta Scian
I’d also argue that men who are decent realize just how hollow “Nice Guy” is as a statement when it comes to meeting someone you don’t know. Nice guy has no meaningful amplification for ones characteristic that aren’t just described or revealed through interpersonal interaction. This could be why really competent self evaluators just don’t use that word, realizing how meaningless it can be. That is a possible reason, but probably not the only one. And I remember a post about incompetency, and reading that competent people often more modest, or even tend to underrate their own capabilities, and natures on the safe side. Nice guys lack that competency which is also related to self evaluation, therefore they are not nice at all, just incompetent. It’s on Qualia Soup, or Theramin Trees YouTube… Don’t remember which.
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January 5, 2013 at 7:52 am
The Arbourist
@Reneta Scian
Accompanied by a sense of entitlement that is quite beyond the pale.
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January 5, 2013 at 3:38 pm
Reneta Scian
Indeed. Actually, some of they remind me of a post you made before. The guy who uses his relationship troubles as a tool to allow him to fawn all over a girl even when she doesn’t want it. Some of these “supposed Nice Guys” are actually creepers sometimes.
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January 6, 2013 at 6:50 pm
bleatmop
@Reneta Scian Thanks. It was really quite the adventure trying to find my wife. Little did I know that she lived so close when I looked all over the world. From Calgary to Nefteugansk to Cairo. Funny how things turn out. I only had to travel 100 km down the road after my friend introduced us. :)
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January 7, 2013 at 12:16 pm
john zande
I honestly don’t know whether to laugh or cry? Please tell me, “laugh!”
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January 7, 2013 at 12:21 pm
The Arbourist
@john zande
As a reflection of general society – find the tissues.
As for weighing in and laughing at people who have their head up their ass – I’m all for the laughter. :)
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January 8, 2013 at 9:56 pm
brunchforeverymeal
Thanks for the blog link! Although, these Nice Guys are such a bummer…
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January 8, 2013 at 10:59 pm
The Arbourist
@BFEM
No problem :) Great catch on finding such a clear example of patriarchal norms and misogyny.
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January 20, 2013 at 6:09 pm
Guls
The downside of social media – every arsehole with a smartphone gets to post his bullshit on the web. The upside of social media – at least we get to see who some of these arseholes are. I’ve been reading a lot about ‘nice guys’ and ‘friendzoning’ lately – I hope these clowns are proud of themselves!
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