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Funny how many dudes fail to get that.
““No” is a word that must never be negotiated, because the person who chooses not to hear it is trying to control you.
Declining to hear “no” is a signal that someone is either seeking control or refusing to relinquish it. With strangers, even those with the best intentions, never, ever relent on the issue of “no,” because it sets the stage for more efforts to control. If you let someone talk you out of the word “no,” you might as well wear a sign that reads, “You are in charge.”
Another common response that serves the criminal is to negotiate (“I really appreciate your offer, but let me try to do it on my own first”). Negotiations are about possibilities, and providing access to someone who makes you apprehensive is not a possibility you want to keep on the agenda. I encourage people to remember that “no” is a complete sentence.”
-Gavin De Becker: The Gift of Fear
Signal boosting as even this basic message seems beyond so many people.
“Lifestyle feminism ushered in the notion that there could be as many versions of feminism as there were women. Suddenly the politics was being slowly removed from feminism. And the assumption prevailed that no matter what a woman’s politics, be she conservative or liberal, she too could fit feminism into her existing lifestyle. Obviously this way of thinking has made feminism more acceptable because its underlying assumption is that women can be feminists without fundamentally challenging and changing themselves or the culture.”
-bell hooks, Feminism is for Everybody.
Just a handy reference slide for your perusal.
From the tumblr: But What Was She Wearing?
Anon: “There is a difference between cat calling and complimenting someone. Some of these ladies have experienced true cat calling and some have merely been complimented and instead of saying thank you or flashing a brief smile, they chose to be rude and take it offensively. I’m not saying cat calling isn’t a negative thing and needs to be stopped. But ladies, we need to stop acting as though every compliment is a form of harassment. You’re beautiful and it’s okay for others to notice it.”
—–
Dear Anonymous,
Two things:
First, you can notice something without commenting on it. People of all ages, gender identifications, religions, and sexual orientations do it all the time. You can keep your thoughts to yourself.
Second, who the fuck are you to tell anyone that they experienced something in the “wrong” way? How dare you say that these people “chose to be rude and take it offensively” – as though these situations are completely innocent, taking place in some weird, removed context where the women or men making the reports have never before been harassed or objectified; as if, without that specific understanding of tone and implication, the only real option is an absurd coin-flip assessment where, without adequately weighing appropriate responses, they make a wholly superficial judgement and “choose” to be “rude” and take it “offensively.” Are you really so ignorant, or are you “choosing” to be wrong?
Additionally, what the heck is “rude” about these individual’s responses? The fact that some state they didn’t feel safe, or the fact that they didn’t understand or respond to their situations as you, someone wholly removed from the reality of their respective experiences, believes they should have?
Fascinating stuff; you can see the gender divide in action. So many Dudes have no clue about the Gauntlet women have to navigate *everyday*.
Human traffic disproportionately effects females. People try and fight the growing tide of human trafficking, here is one story of someone making a difference.
bleatmop
Mystro
The Arbourist
Dead Wild Roses 
10 Hours of Walking in NYC – Street Harassement! Misogyny! Lewis’ Law!
October 30, 2014 in Feminism, Housekeeping | Tags: 10 Hours of Walking in New York City, Clueless Dudes, Lewis's Law, male entitlement, Mansplaining, Misogyny, Street Harassment, Victim Blaming, You tube Comment section hell | by The Arbourist | 8 comments
Why hello there gentle readers (and a big thanks to John Zande for bringing this video to my attention). Today were going to look at one of the fundamental differences between the lived experiences of men and women in public. We’re also going to look at some of the horrible things misogynistic, entitled men say when they see a version of reality that doesn’t agree with theirs. These are the same dudebro’s that cry foul when women post videos on you tube and decline to open the comment section. So, let us watch the video and then digest some of the comments I annotate from said video.
A handy refresher about Helen Lewis’s Law -“Comments on any article about feminism justify feminism.”
**UPDATE – A big thank you Bleatmop for this information – Shoshana has also been receiving rape threats due to her participation in this video. See the story here. **
This video is a PSA about street harassment and this definition is from their blog Hollaback.
Yes, well, lets take a peek at what the enlightened you tube commentators has to say. I went through the comments and came up with 5 rough categorizations of comments that I screen-capped: Clueless Dudes, Entitled Males, FreezePeach, Misogynistic ManSplainers, and Victim Blaming. Some comments could be in more than one category, but divisions needed to be made somewhere (it’s such a pleasure seeing so many graduations of misogyny). Oh yes there are a smattering of non vile responses, but those are for a different post.
So here we go, category one – Clueless Dudes.
#1 Some of these persons are harassing for sure. But saying “have a nice evening” or “How are you?” or anything like that is not harassing in anyway! You should try saying “You too!”, “I’m fine thanks, and you?” and send a smile. In that way we would all have a nice day.
#2. Should we arrest all these men for saying inoffensive things? Should we tie them up and give them 50 lashings each? Would that make you feel better about it? Because unless you do, it’s never going to stop. So shut the fuck up.
#3. Most of them were REALLY nice. “God Bless You” and “have a good day”. Those would make my day!
#4. She’s going to change her mind when she hits about 45 and all the catcalls stop.
#5.Men are genetically designed to reproduce. Of course a good looking girl is going to get hit on.
Clueless Dude Analysis/Response: Wow, so much fail, so little time. Let’s respond in order.
#1. Women in public are not obligated to say or do anything. The men in this video were trying to elicit a response or commentate on her physical stature. This is not conversation, it is harassment.
#2. Should we speak in nothing but hyperbole when defending the status-quo that benefits you so much?
#3. Would it really make your day if so many of these comments were preludes to asking for sex or touching that you have not asked for? The good ship male experience sails in the calmest of waters.
#4. Ah, you’d be surprised what a relief it is for many women who age out of, or fat out of or whatever out of, the category of women who get unwanted male attention. The transition from harassment target – girl I’d like to fuck – to invisible to the male eye penis is a reality for almost all women.
#5. Would any comment sections about female harassment be complete without some evo-devo-pysch bullshit? Let me know how your hunt goes Jonny Tan whilst the females gather roots and berries… (pro-tip: That whispering you hear is civilization and progress proving your low opinion of males and humanity comes directly from your rectum).
Category Two – Entitled Males.
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